Sometimes amidst all the fun and merriment of the music industry, we forget what it's really all about: money. Sure, it's nice to get them toes a-tappin' and them houses a-rockin', but it don't mean a thing unless those record execs can purchase their weight in blow on a semi-daily basis. And for this reason, I bring you news from the harsher, yuppier side of the biz. This is news from the machine.

Avril Lavigne: She wins my Keanu award for bullet-dodging. First, it was sometime-collaborator Chantal Kreviazuk accusing her of stealing songs. Now, it’s late 70’s rockers the Rubinoos. I’m sure the charges are ridiculous, since there’s no way Avril fans would allow the plagiarism of a 1979 chart hit (although 99% of Avril Fans weren’t born until after 1979). Either way, Avril’s co-songwriter Lukasz "Dr. Luke" Gottwald asserts that he’d never even heard of the Rubinoos (hereafter referred to as the Plaintiffs, since Rubinoos is a stupid and slightly perverse-sounding name), a band who released hits from '77 to '84 and wrote the theme song to a remarkably popular movie about vengeful nerds.

Strangely, Dr. Luke seems to have a long history of co-writing credits including Kelly Clarkson, Daughtry, and Paris Hilton. Obviously just another coincidence. So let’s just quit the speculation and do some side-by-side comparison: Avril Lavigne: Hey! Hey! You! You! I could be your girlfriend! The Rubinoos: Hey! Hey! You! You! I wanna be your boyfriend! Night and day.

Octave Museum: Stephen Brodsky, frontman of the currently-on-hiatus Cave In, announced that his new band Octave Museum was breaking up for unspecified reasons. However, he did provide this delightfully snotty blurb that hints at possible reasons. "We would like to say thanks to all of you who supported our hopes and creativity by buying our album and enjoying it. Also, thanks to all of you who borrowed the CD to put it into your iPod thinking, 'Well, if it comes out on vinyl I'll actually pay for that,' because, you know, you totally were going to pick it up, but you were just broke that week and, you know, like, whatever, you know?"

In case you missed that, he was not-so-subtly attacking people for listening to his music without paying for it because they were broke. He later blamed a turnip for his inability to get blood out of it.