Last night's MLB All-Star game had five home runs. One of them belonged to Ichiro Suzuki, which was of the much-more-impressive "inside the park" variety, an All-Star game first. The night before, the more-boring-than-usual which-is-saying-something Home Run Derby gave us a total of 74 home runs between the eight contestants. In the final round, there were just five — two by runner-up Alex Rios, and three by winner Vladimir Guerrero.

A lot of the swings in the Derby that didn't leave the field bounced off walls. At one point I thought Tigers outfielder Magglio Ordonez, who finished last with just two homers in the first round, was competing in an unrelated yet overlapping Doubles Derby. He probably won that.

But in the aftermath of Ichiro's two-run ITP-HR, I noticed that the trajectory of Ichiro's blast and some of the near-homers in the Derby were almost identical. Yet in the game, Ichiro's home run counts exactly like any other home run. And in the post-game MVP Award acceptance speech, Ichiro said (through his translator) that he didn't hit in the Derby because this stadium isn't good for home runs. Yet he hit one. Sorta. Wait... no, not "sorta." He hit a legitimate home run. That ought to count in the Derby.

So here's a proposal. For the next Home Run Derby, if a ball caroms off the wall, have the batter try to leg it out. We've all seen that the Derby outfielders are nothing more than a gaggle of little kids with baseball mitts all fighting for the ball. See if Prince Fielder can outrun the weak, wobbly throw of Scotty Smalls lookalikes. (He did it once, pictured in the video here. And if not, at least the jiggling is mesmerizing.)

The problem with this idea is that 2008's All-Star Game will be in Yankee Stadium, where triples are so rare, they're beyond pink in the middle. Maybe they need to set up some 45-degree walls or set up some poles in the outfield. Set up a couple snares and quicksand traps. Model left field after any level from the arcade game Gauntlet. That'll help David Ortiz maneuver four bases in time.

Or what about shadow men? Yes, shadow men have always helped construct a kind of pseudo-game when there's only one batter present.

This will probably tire out the batters, no doubt. But they have it so easy in the Derby, being lobbed batting practice pitches while in no real danger of being plunked. All I ask is they somehow lose their breath. I don't care how it's done.