Despite what countless law enforcement officials and psychiatric professionals have to say on the matter, I wholeheartedly believe that the Earth is an interplanetary dumping ground for convicted alien psychopaths. This theory would certainly help to explain the steady increase of worldwide insanity, from suicidal terrorist organizations to the stuffy white clowns currently churning out unconstitutional laws like so much rancid butter. Oh, and the next time you catch your kooky neighbor performing naked pagan rituals in his or her backyard, ask yourself the following question: Do all human beings come equipped with twenty-seven lactating nipples and fourteen sets of slimy genitalia?

I think not, Mr. Psychological Expert.

John McNaughton's cheesy 1991 sci-fi comedy The Borrower is the perfect cinematic representation of my daunting xenophobia, a breezy 90-minute burst of gory alien paranoia. Even if it fails to provide you and your twisted kin with an evening's worth of demented entertainment, the film should definitely help push sales of Rodney Amateau's The Garbage Pail Kids Movie through the proverbial roof. Assuming, of course, that someone is willing to give McNaughton's misunderstood gem a proper Region 1 DVD release. Come on, Warner Home Video! I know you can do it!

When insectoid aliens need to quietly dispose of their unwanted serial killers, they simply transmutate these sadistic prisoners into hulking human beings and release them on the outskirts of New York City. However, the process used to conceal their extraterrestrial ancestry is an imperfect one, forcing these earthbound inmates to procure a new head whenever theirs happens to suddenly explode. Needless to say, the latest addition to the psychotic herd is having quite a few discouraging problems with his recently acquired craniums, issues which leave a large string of horribly disfigured bodies twitching in his wake. Only a seasoned female cop (Rae Dawn Chong) and her elderly partner can put an end to this creature's bloody reign of terror.

McNaughton's decision to helm The Borrower as his follow-up to the harrowing Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer is an odd one, for sure. Perhaps the man needed a humorous project to thoroughly cleanse his palate of the nauseating atrocities sprinkled generously throughout his 1986 horror masterpiece. The Borrower, much to my giggling schoolgirl surprise, was much funnier than I had anticipated, extracting several nervous fits of genuine laughter from yours truly when most people would have run screaming for the STOP button. What can I say — decapitations are pretty hilarious.