Last week I watched the trinity of epic late '80s/early '90s action films — Commando, Marked For Death, and Roadhouse — and it was clear that one of them was a cut above the rest.

While Commando has an impeccable death count in both quantity and method (impaling people on pipes, breaking necks, scalping people with loose saw blades, etc.) and several classic one-liners ("Let off some steam, Bennett")...

... and while Roadhouse stars Patrick Swayze as a bouncer with an NYU degree in philosophy, features gratuitous sex, and Swayze ass-shots, and also has amazing dialogue ("Pain don't hurt")...

... Marked For Death just ranks higher on the testosterone-filled skull-crushing scale. The acting is just bad enough that it is unintentionally funny, likewise the clothing. It tries in no way to establish any kind of reasonable plot or explain the many holes in said plot. It suffers from nearly all of the bad action cliches, but makes up for it in sheer violence and bloodletting.

Any of Seagal's first four, three-word-titled movies (Above the Law, Out For Justice, Hard to Kill) follow a similar structure and ethos. Seagal tries to reform in some way, someone he loves gets hurt/kidnapped, and he proceeds to kill, maim, break bones, and scowl for an hour.

It's a toss up, really, but Marked For Death is my personal favorite. Something about Jamaican Voodoo gangs who smoke crack with high school kids after school one minute, and the next shoot up a crowded bar with machine guns appeals to me.

It also features Steven Seagal in his prime — orange with fake tan, somewhat overweight, but still spry, and still enjoying himself. It was his third movie and arguably his peak. He had perfected his glaring at this point and did a thoroughly manly job by looking completely pissed off for the entire movie.

And the action! At any given time someone is shooting a gun or people are fighting. Seagal stabs people in their livers, breaks at least three people's arms (all in different ways), shoots women in the face, and throws several people face first through glass (amongst other things). This is not to mention all the various bystanders and random gang members/cops who are killed.