Yes, but in an unpredictable way. My first response at separation was to restrict my eating. This had nothing to do with food or my weight. But had everything to do with a pattern of withdrawal. People with a history of anorexia, are adverse to conflict and personal criticism. They withhold themselves in marriage from their husbands, sex, and pleasure, just like they do with food.

After a while it takes a toll on marriage. Some women marry men who don’t want an intimate marriage; some are ok with this. It wasn’t working with my marriage. It played a big part. We worked with a tremendous therapist who helped us sort this out. Now we’re back together and the marriage is light years better; it’s totally different. I reveal myself by being honest and sharing with my husband. Fear and anxiety had kept me separate from him. This involved so much more than food, but food is the basic deep metaphor for life itself.

Is perfectionism “the single most consistent trait among both anorexics and bulimics,” the eating disorder utopia?

Yes. It’s the trait most common, because both strive toward perfection.

What are the signs in children for a potential eating disorder?

With anorexia there is a higher genetic component. We are still discovering the genetic markers. Traits in children are: an extreme sensitivity to criticism, perfectionism - as in needing to have everything lined up, a strong expression of disgust for colors, food, substances that others consider to be ok, or a kid who can do anything forever.
Another sign is when there is a disturbance in the family: A child withdraws, and goes to a corner, and does some work. I did this.

Aimee, is your struggle with who you are and who you’d like to be a dangerous journey?

It’s dangerous because some people are single-minded and focus on an artificial rule. You have a choice of roads in life. If you choose a road to nowhere over and over again, eventually it turns into a superhighway, eliminating all alternatives until you have no choice but to take that road. That’s the danger. People with eating disorders that start early and last a long time need to get help early on, before the cow path turns into a superhighway.

Why can’t some people face the conflicts of daily life?

For vulnerable people, the way they deal with anxiety and depression is huge. Those predisposed to anorexia, even when well, have high levels of serotonin, even when resting; those with serious bulimia show low resting rates of serotonin and are more impulsive. This occurs naturally in the brain. Self-awareness is critical; anorexics need to develop healthy ways of coping to calm down, and bulimics need to find ways to pick themselves up.