If the Cavaliers and San Antonio Spurs were playing on the seesaw, and we substituted gravity with excitement, then the Spurs would be forever hovering six feet over the playground until the mean ol' Cavaliers stepped off the seesaw, causing the Spurs to crash onto the ground with a thud.

The excitement by Lake Erie begins and ends with some 22-year-old whose name you may have seen in the paper. LeBron James wowed everyone in Game 5 of the Eastern Conference final, including basketball legend Michael Jordan. "What just transpired ... was needed for the league, was needed for Cleveland, was needed for LeBron." LeBron also needed the sensational rookie Daniel Gibson's timely shooting in Game 6, totaling 31 points. Plus, what's more exciting than an athlete nicknamed "Boobie?" Perhaps a Sideshow Bob-haired center named Anderson Varejao and an equally tall Scrabble player's dream name, Zydrunas Ilgauskas. Then there's the goofy hair of Drew Gooden and Scot Pollard. The team just pisses excitement.

Meanwhile, the Spurs — a team who has won three NBA championships in the last seven years — are flat out dull. While we all continue to gush over the greatness of LeBron, Tim Duncan has quietly become the greatest player in the league, and possibly the best power forward in NBA history. But he does it with the league minimum flair — the manager at Chotchkie's does encourage more — and a semi-dismal pouty face reminiscent of Jim Halpert. (Yes, I just referenced two movies/shows with the word "Office" in the title.)

Bruce Bowen is a boring defensive player, albeit a little physical. Robert Horry is a veteran presence, but you don't see his clutch shots until the final five minutes. Their dominant color is a yawn-inducing black. Coach Gregg Popovich is a great coach, but with a flat persona. (He's not even a snappy dresser.) Christ, even Tony Parker's upcoming marriage to one of the Desperate Housewives honeys seems painfully boring.