The mother of the younger child was fine with this. The mother of the older child was not fine. She took her child and left the park. My daughter continued to play and let me know of two other times when another child was being hurt and when she was being called names. I spoke to two other mothers that day who were also receptive.

While punishment, and specifically spanking, may seem like a workable solution, the first and foremost thing it teaches is that hitting is okay. Any secondary lessons (i.e. come tell me instead of handling it yourself) are lost in the process. Consequences, on the other hand, come from a logical approach and are within context.

This is to say that had I smacked my child — instead of finding out what happened and addressing that issue — she would've learned that hitting is a viable option (just don't let mom see). She would also have learned she is deserving of being hit - something mothers with 20-something daughters scratch their heads over when their daughters date abusive men. My daughter is in her 20s now. She doesn't hit people and she doesn't allow herself to be hit.

Conversely, delivering consequences and then backing down from them sends the message that mommy doesn't mean what she says. This instills a lack of trust and teaches that adults cannot be readily relied upon when push comes to shove. The parent is not the child's safety net - and the child knows it.

A child raised in a passive environment learns quickly how to cry their way out of even the most appropriate consequences and learns little of boundaries, rules, and self-restraint. If one cannot accept the consequences of taking a child's plaything away, for instance, one need then think of something else (like removing the child from the plaything) to show the child that throwing their playthings won't get them their way.

It is not the heavy or the light hand that raises a child with love, safety, and the welfare of the child in mind. One oppresses the child (and later cannot contain the child) while the other leaves the child in the position of parent - and the parent at the whim of a child.

The middle ground — where even adults thrive best — involves natural and logical consequences, having more than a passing familiarity with child development, and a sense of self that is not so easily threatened that it would feel compelled to physically hurt a child in any way.