The phrase "NASCAR stripper" could have so many meanings, much like the occupation "bowling alley lawyer" from the short-lived NBC show Ed. Ed Stevens didn't specialize in bowling alley lawsuits, but rather he was a lawyer who owned a bowling alley. Big difference.

In the "NASCAR stripper" instance, none of the variations bring any pleasantness. It could be a stripper who races NASCAR, or a NASCAR driver who also strips. It could be a stripper who dates a NASCAR driver. Or it could be a stripper who embezzled more than a million dollars to start a NASCAR team, then fled Texas for two different international locales.

See? We're all screwed either way.

Fatemeh Angela Harnkess — can I get a pronunciation on that first name, Your Honor? — was found guilty of said embezzlement. (No word on whether the money was collected in crumpled $1 bills.) She will spend three years and four months in federal prison, or 26-2/3 Paris Hilton sentences.

She did her darndest to swing around the metal pole of fugitivity, eluding the FBI for a few years. From Round Rock, Texas, she made a left turn to Mexico, then a left turn to the United Arab Emirates, before she made a left turn back to the U.S. and threw up the white flag in 2004.

Right away, two things in this story stand out — no, not those two things, you pervert — and they both pertain to the way the AP article wrote it. First up is the lead, which begins with the phrase "A former stripper." That's seems to be the glamorous job whose label sticks with you throughout your life, until you make the crime blotter. It's never "A former coffeehouse barista was found guilty of tax evasion" or "A one-time fast food drive-thru attendant pled guilty to involuntary manslaughter."

The second item is the graf, "Harkness' attorney of record, Rick J. Kennon of Austin, did not immediately return calls for comment." It's not that I blame Mr. Kennon of not immediately returning calls - I'm sure his interest in discussing "the NASCAR stripper" is inverse to how much I want to discuss her. But it's the phrase "attorney of record."

Reporter: Are you her attorney?
Kennon: Well... um...
Reporter: Says here on the printout that you're her attorney of record.
Kennon: Well, I guess technically I am.

I suppose now Rick Kennon could be called the "NASCAR stripper lawyer," but again, that would be too ambiguous. So let's just stick with "NASCAR stripper lawyer of record."