So, Fahey returns from his icy Antarctic grotto to the breezy, sun-coated beaches of Miami. How he returned from imprisonment underneath the cataclysmic weather spasms is never explained, we can only infer that he bolted through the Earth’s crust, propelling himself like a bullet on an underground transcontinental trip.

Alas, the dodgy weather doesn’t play by the rules. Rather than staying an isolated event occurring considerable miles away from anything, it sees fit to impose itself on the sort of topographies infested by millions of scampering little mammals. As glaciers replace rich playboys in Miami’s waterfront, Fahey takes the reins of responsibility and begins a hazardous gallop to discover the precise scientific terms to ascribe to this fleet of snowy madness. And maybe, just maybe, he will come through and save the entire city from catastrophe, protecting every one of its citizens and shielding the infrastructure under one almighty wing of security.

Or maybe he won’t. Perhaps he was fed-up with perpetual traffic jams, or the smog choking his lungs every afternoon, because the worst does indeed happen. Suffice it to say, if Fahey allowed Miami to freeze, killing all who had not eloped by that point, then it was probably a beneficial thing for the city – anyway, we all know how popular ski resorts are in this day and age. However, in the end, Fahey does become embroiled in a race against time, regardless of its scope.

By a stroke of luck, and an undoubted eternity spent in grad school, Fahey ascertains that a temperature of absolute zero will rain down upon Miami, transforming the beaches into freezers and having a detrimental effect on next year’s spring break. Fahey calculates the time until this disaster down to the very microsecond, gifting himself a race against the clock to gather up his accomplices and pack him and them into his special absolute zero room that will shelter them from the chills outside.

Joining Fahey on this wild excursion is erstwhile Baywatch object Erika Eleniak, still dizzy from her encounter with Steven Seagal in Under Siege. Looked at closely, Eleniak’s sub-Fahey eyes betray her immanent preoccupation with Seagal’s knife histrionics and her disillusionment at being passed over with regard the sequel. Here she plays not Fahey’s wife as the DVD description states, but a former flame now married to an old pal of Fahey’s. The name of this pal? Why, it’s none other than Jeff. How are we to interpret this odd coincidence? Well, first of all, there are no coincidences where Fahey is concerned – all comes into being via his divine will, with no space for Chance to mosh its way into the fermentation. No, the answer lies with Fahey’s immutable essence. I submit to you, good reader, that Fahey’s quintessence is of such potency that his reality spills over into the film, thus imprinting his wholesome forename on to the frame of one of his co-stars. Unfortunately, this other-Jeff gets killed by a flying palm tree halfway through the film, bringing an end to a peculiar refraction of Fahey that is not without precedent (cf. Corpses).