There is always a back story to every news report. Sometimes, it's just better to speculate...

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

...I do that all the time. Sometimes when I'm looking for my keys, I find that they are in my hand. When I lose my arms, I just go look for my keys...

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

...friggin' unions

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

...I wondered what Manute Bol and Sean Bradley were doing these days...

Act Two - Gay ex-governor wants to be priest

James E. McGreevey, the former governor of New Jersey, plans to become an Episcopal priest. Raised as a Roman Catholic, it appears that his application to become a Catholic priest was turned down because he was told there are no gay Catholic priests...

Laurie David: To Our Three Daughters

David has written a new book calling children to activism to save the planet called 'The Down-to-Earth Guide to Global Warming' - To kick off the book tour, she will fly in the Hamas jihadist Mickey Mouse from the Middle East. When asked about the energy that would be wasted with such a flight, David responded 'If we can get our kids to save the future, we don't have to worry about now-Duh!'...

Albrecht's Ruin?

Susan Estrich wrote this about HBO CEO Chris Albrecht: '...over the weekend, the respected executive (I don't know him, but that's what people say) was arrested in Las Vegas at 3 a.m. on suspicion of assaulting a woman who was identified as his girlfriend. Supposedly, he dragged her out of the hotel, holding her by the neck, leaving marks on her skin. Shockingly enough, he smelled of alcohol...'

...I remember hearing Susan Estrich talk about William Rehnquist after he died. She said that he would join her outside the Supreme Court for a smoke from time to time. I find this shocking.

I mean, who knew that Susan Estrich smoked...

Fistfight mars Boston Pops' opening night

...Apparently, one guy got upset when the other jumped up before the concert, lit a Bic lighter and yelled 'Freebird'. The men became friends after realizing that a night in jail sure beat sitting through another rendition of '76 Trombones'.

What do you MEAN I'm not going to die?

LONDON (Reuters) - A British man who went on a wild spending spree after doctors said he only had a short time to live wants compensation because the diagnosis was wrong and he is now healthy — but broke.

...He's suing because, well, he's an idiot....