We've just had Mother's Day here in the UK, and in the USA it's knocking on the door, ready to check on how much love, gratitude, and admiration Mother is worth this year. Who else is due a reward on Mother's Day?

I spent the day this year being attended to by my little son and daughter, and the evening eating lovely food prepared by my teenage son. I opened presents and homemade cards, and ate small child-made sandwiches (always look inside those before you bite 'cos you never know!). Every ten minutes my "relaxing" day was interrupted, as the youngest checked whether I was having a lovely Mother's Day.

In between times I thought a lot about the nature of mothering, and one thing is clear: you don't just get it from your mother, and we all need mothering from time to time, even as adults. However, it isn't always possible or useful to go back to the original. I have been the fortunate beneficiary all my life of loving, supportive, and helpful relationships with other women including my maternal grandmother, my older and wiser best friend, and some not-so-much-older but much wiser friends. I'm sure I'm not alone in this.

Do you know a woman — a friend, aunt, grandmother, stepmother, or ex-caregiver — who's always ready to listen to your woes and offer support without a hidden agenda? Someone who is willing to tell you when you've screwed up because you need to know and not to make you feel bad; who doesn't judge you, but will give you an honest opinion based on her experience, if you ask for it; who makes you feel that you have a safe-harbour in the world, giving you confidence and optimism; who shows you by example how to love and inspires you to do the same? Just enough not to make you feel guilty, of course. Nobody can be expected to be a martyr to our needs, and good enough is best anyway, right?

Next Mother's Day or thereabouts, I think those (M)others are due some kind of special attention. Maybe a card is in order or a gift; certainly a verbal acknowledgement of her importance to you. Perhaps you could even make her a sandwich of ham and pickle and chocolate spread.

Here's a word to the wise, though. Don't tell her why you're doing it if she's sensitive about her age, or you may find that you're disowned!