I've never been a Paris Hilton fan but I'm not an innately vicious person, alright? I kind of felt bad for her. Where were the parents, the friends, the teachers from school who nagged her into lengthening her skirt? Her sister doesn't seem half as fucked up - didn't she ever sit Paris down and tell her to stop? If that was my sister walking around with her vajayjay on full view, I'd have kidnapped her and locked her up until she saw things my way. What's a little illegal detention between loving siblings? And it's not like I would've used chains or anything. A dungeon would do nicely. They can afford to rent one if they don't own one.

I digress. The point is, sooner or later Paris was headed this way. Rehab, prison, hospital, court - these are places where I could always picture Paris. And now that she's been in three of them (and may well go there again) she'll go to rehab sooner or later. Probably already has been. It's just natural progression.

I can only hope that somewhere in this circuit she learns enough to keep out of the morgue unlike some other "Great Blondes". I know! I know! She doesn't really deserve the moniker but considering she even got mentioned in the same breath as Edie Sedgwick, I'll let her scrape in.

From the evidence on hand, that doesn't sound very likely because somebody ripped out words like "responsibility" from the Hilton dictionary. The blame game is on in full force: she apparently blames her PR person for the, um, mix-up? Yeah, mix-up that's sent her to jail. Apparently the guy told her she could drive because... she doesn't actually read what she signs? Is she kidding?

She is an heiress, right? Because the first thing anybody, especially in a business family, learns is to always, always, fucking always read what you sign. Hell, even my dad told me that! Personally, I would have asked my lawyer about things like, "What was that legal document the judge asked me to sign?" but then that's just me and my intense desire to stay out of jail.

The Hilton lawyer, however, was probably hassling people like Michael K at Dlisted for running the cartoon below. Visit Gallery of the Absurd for the full picture.