Does anyone else think that Mike Nichols' 1991 Harrison Ford tearjerker Regarding Henry would have been much more effective as a balls-out Jean-Claude Van Damme action vehicle? Instead of having poor Henry stumble around mindlessly for three quarters of the picture, he could have recovered from his brain-busting predicament with record speed, allowing him to dispense a little vengeance upon those who would threaten his fragile mortality. There could have been dozens of sequels, hundreds of action figures, thousands of fast food tie-ins — the whole Hollywood marketing shebang. God, it would have been beautiful. Don't you agree?

Apparently direct-to-video guru Simon Fellows (7 Seconds, Second in Command), screenwriter Dan Harris (Superman Returns, X2) and the office manager from Double Team feel the same way I do about that dreadful early '90s claptrap. They've essentially taken Regarding Henry's central storyline — a grumpy bastard takes a bullet in the noodle and becomes Mr. Sensitive — and loaded it with so much gooey action that you may think you've accidentally stumbled across a magical timewarp into the 1980s. Oh, and just for fun, they added a sodomy scene to their winning formula so everyone could have a good time.

Their production was crowned Until Death, and it was good.

Jean-Claude Van Damme changes things up a bit for his first 2007 excursion into obscurity, a decision which may actually work in the big guy's favor if he continues to play his cards right. The former action icon stars as Anthony Stowe, a crude New Orleans narcotics detective who enjoys shooting heroin, cornholing skanky prostitutes, and beating up widowers who blame him for the deaths of their spouses. When he's not busy ratting out his cop buddies or beating the feces out of uncooperative suspects, Stowe can be found lurking in seedy bars or just kind of loafing around the city. In other words, he's a white hot chick magnet.

The only thing that could possibly teach this old dog some new tricks, from what I understand, is a bullet right through the ol' brain pan. Thankfully, Stowe's ex-partner Gabriel Callaghan (Stephen Rea) is more than willing to perform this complex surgery for free. One shot is all it takes for Anthony to slip into a deep life-changing coma, one that requires very little physical therapy to recover from. Which is good, of course, because Callaghan has some unfinished business to attend to once he learns that his old friend can still recite his ABCs. Will Anthony Stowe stop limping around long enough to pick up a gun and prevent his former friend from ruining his brand new life?

If not for an exceptionally lousy performance from none other than Stephen Rea and a few unfortunate plot holes the size of a New York City manhole cover, Until Death would have been a near-perfect Van Damme picture. As it stands, the flick is still his best in years, far surpassing last year's dodgy urban thriller The Hard Corps. Simply put, it forces him to rely mostly on his skills as a dramatic actor, something we don't get to experience often enough. And while Van Damme won't win any awards from folks in the industry, long-time fans will certainly get a kick out of seeing the big guy broaden his horizons a smidge.