It's been a while, but TV time gets cut come springtime it seems. But, fighting through that urge to play outside, the Mrs. and myself have finally managed to take a look at yet another stinker to share with you all. This week's feature takes a look at the WWE films and their latest product of misaligned intentions.

She said:

Over the years many wrestlers have stepped out of the ring to take a shot at the big screen. The Rock, Hulk Hogan, Goldberg, Triple H, Edge, and my personal favorite, Andre the Giant. Now we see Kane. Now let me start off by saying I have been a Kane fan, well sort of, since back when he wore a mask and didn't talk and did the whole boogieman sitting up thing like Mike Meyers or Jason Vorheese in his act. He seemed so intimidating and well, I always got a kick out of that. Of course this was back when WWE was WWF and had the whole storyline thing going. I always enjoyed that. It was my soap opera, along with Dark Shadows and Prisoner of Cell Block H.

Anyways I digress. Tonight we watched See No Evil. I had heard tales of how bad this movie was, but I had to see it for myself. In all actuality it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, not saying it was stellar or anything, but it had somewhat of an interesting idea behind it, albeit with an obvious twist to it.

Our story opens when two cops track down a guy who has been abducting people and removing the eyes. One cop is killed while the other loses a hand. We get a little bit of a story, but not much and the we are immediately teleported to four years later where our one-handed cop has now started working with troubled teens. They have set up a new community service program for young felons. As they introduce our young mischief-makers-in-training we are treated with little mug shots indicating what they are in for. My thought on it was hey cool, they will somehow use these talents to further the plot! I was sadly mistaken.

The "teens" (and I use that term loosely because some of them were really showing their age as late 20-somethings), though incarcerated, brought with them the luxuries of life including iPods, cell phones, street clothes, and lock picking tools. How nice of the prison authorities to allow them so much! They are taken to an old run down hotel that they are supposed to help fix up to turn into a homeless shelter. The hotel, we are told, has secret passages and two-way mirrors and all sorts of fun stuff including a secret safe that no one has been able to find.

Okay, so this movie could have been really cool. It had all the thoughts and ideas that could have made it neat... unfortunately that was where it stopped. The casting was horrible, the thin story lines, the fact that only two of the people actually used their "talents" that we were shown at the beginning of the movie, and the bad camera shots just made the whole thing a bit sad. That and Kane, who as I mentioned before I like, looked a little like Meatloaf. (Who I should also mention I like as well, but it just didn't work for me). Only a couple of times he came off as menacing, the rest of the time he seemed more like Lennie Small from Of Mice and Men.

As I mentioned the camera shots were not that great. A lot of the time it seemed they were using handhelds instead of steady cams. This only made the move seem low budgeted. Special effects wise, they did alright. Some of the gore make-up though looked like, well, make-up. There were some creative deaths; the cell phone down the throat was really nicely done. Other than that, most of it seemed a bit quick. A lot of the death scenes came unprovoked and too fast. There was no build up, no shock, no thrill, nothing. Just boom, he's dead, boom, she's dead. No real chance to get to the edge of your seat. With most of the characters you didn't get a chance to really give a shit if they lived or died. You see, that is what makes a movie scary. If you actually get a little bit of an emotional investment in the character, you hope that they live, or you hate them enough that you just hope they die for principle's sake. With these characters, it seemed they tried, but didn't pull it off.

So, Vince McMahon, if you read this, you may want to stick to the wrestling circuit. You failed with football and movies just don't seem to be your thing either.

Two eyeballs in a jar out of five.