A Helping Hand: Am I the Right Age?
Published May 01, 2007
Am I too young to get married and move out on my own? My boyfriend asked me to marry him and I said "yes!" I feel like I'm the right age but I've been told I'm not. Most of my friends are married and on their own. I feel like I'm behind my friends because most of them are on their own, married, and have kids. I love my boyfriend and I think we'll make it. How do I know I'm making the right choice? There are no guarantees in life.
You didn't say how old you are, but regardless of your age, asking if you are the right age is an indication you're not ready to be married. Because you haven't been on your own yet, you don't have the experience that would help you readily decide whether or not you should be married. Marriage isn't "on your own." Living by yourself is "on your own."
Finances or the crime rate of the area in which you would live may call for roommates, but roommates are different than romantic interests and spouses. Roommates share space and expenses. Generally, they do not also share beds and lives. If you're not ready to be on your own, you're certainly not ready to be married.
To go from your parent/guardian's house to a house with a husband is to skip an all-important experience: the opportunity to get to know yourself and find out who you are without anyone else's help or support. The experience will help you grow, develop other interests, and learn new skills.
Consider the woman you’re going to be in one year or five years. For that matter, consider who you’re going to be in three months or six months. This is to say that living on your own will make you a new person - and that new person might not care for the idea of marriage or specifically the guy you're currently engaged to marry.
You can be on your own and still date the guy. Getting married is serious business. If you're serious about having a marriage for the long haul, bear in mind that this kind of commitment is best met by someone who knows what they want from life - not just from a man or a marriage. It’s also best to know what you don't want, who you are, and what kind of person best suits you.
Diana (nee Gulick) Hartman is the Culture and Tastes Editor for Blogcritics.org. She is a freelance writer, mother of three, and a (Ret.) US Marine spouse. She is a Wichita, Kansas native, having also lived in the California desert, eastern North Carolina and Stuttgart, Germany. She currently resides in Oceanside, California. She is a contributing writer to Holiday Writes.
- A Helping Hand: Am I the Right Age?
- Published: May 01, 2007
- Type: Opinion
- Section: Culture
- Filed Under: Culture: Family and Relationships
- Part of a feature: A Helping Hand
- Writer: Diana Hartman
- Diana Hartman's BC Writer page
- Diana Hartman's personal site
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Bravo Di!
I can't count how many times I have given similar advice to the women in my life, friends, daughters, nieces and their significant others. One of the most troubling things I witness is when a person (male or female) makes the statement "I can't stand to be without ..." How sad to pin all your happiness on one other person and how daunting for that person, to be solely responsible for the others happiness. I tell everyone who will listen (not a large crowd when dealing with people who are just discovering independence) "how can you truly be happy in a relationship without coming to terms with being happy by yourself"? The quickest and most reliable route to self awareness is as you stated, "until you've had a goodly amount of time on your own" and I agree a year should be sufficient. I feel badly that so many young women especially, go from being somebody's daughter, to somebody's girlfriend to somebody's wife without ever being known as just her self. I hope your reader(s) who are contemplating the jump take the time to get to know and be comfortable with them selves first.
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Lately, I have this pressure of getting married or at the very least, finding a stable relationship, from all sides. And that's because most of my friends are either married or in a relationship. I feel left behind.
So, thanks for this article... It made my day!