Just the other day, I was at the movie theater watching a new foreign film that dealt with the beginnings of Jesus Christ (a great experience, but not nearly as incredible as The Passion of the Christ with my favorite actor, Mel Gibson). Suddenly, I hear a ringtone to the tune of some welfare rapper, Akon, singing "Don't Matter."

Not only was I insulted that a phone company would allow ringtones by such a talentless musical act (hey, what happened to the days of Lawrence Welk), but Jesus Christ, I was trying to watch a movie! Even worse, the man, who looked like he had just escaped from a porno shop on the East Side, didn’t answer the phone. Instead, he put on this body part shaped headset and talked through it. The phone was nowhere to be seen!

I found out later that this is a new liberal technology called Bluetooth, where a phone can transfer a signal at least thirty feet to a pair of headphones. If your phone is internet enabled, you can even use it as a Bluetooth modem and use your new ultra mobile pc to connect to the Internet. Is this ridiculous, or what? Even more ridiculous? These computers have been made small enough to actually fit in your pockets. Get this: some actually write on these computers with a pen!

Ten years ago, nobody even thought about writing notes on a mini-sized computer. They used something called pencil and paper! These new mini-computers run an operating system called Windows Vista, probably developed by illegal immigrants from Mexico. With these mini-computers, students and adults can play video games instead of studying or actually working. If you are a CEO and think a client is taking notes on his little computer, you may be surprised to find out he is playing Space Invaders instead.