Don't you hate it when one of your odorous body parts detaches itself from your person, swells to 800 times its original size and completely destroys a major American city? I don't know about you, but I'm getting pretty sick and tired of this bi-weekly ritual. This scenario has happened to me at least sixty-two times in the last year or two, and the US government is starting to wonder if they should simply put yours truly out of his misery. After all, we can't have some guy's enlarged uvula crushing grandmothers into delightfully sugary wads, now can we? Of course not. Don't be so silly all the time.

Probably the best cinematic representation of those secretly living with this as yet untitled disease is cult director Mark Pirro's oddball 2004 comedy Rectuma. Granted, there aren't a lot of films that tackle this very sensitive subject, so there's really nothing else on the market to compare it to. A victory by default is still very much a victory, if you ask me. Besides, I doubt anyone other than the director of Curse of the Queerwolf could accurately depict the agony, the unbridled suffering of those cursed with this bizarre, socially-devastating affliction. Preach on, Brother Mark. You hold our eyes and ears in complete rapture.

After being anally raped by a demented frog on a sandy beach in Mexico, working class moron Waldo Williams — portrayed with loving grace by actor/comedian Bill Devlin — begins experiencing extremely sharp pains in the area of his body where the fudge is produced. According to our hero's finger-licking proctologist, Waldo's forceful amphibian lover deposited a very large blob of poison directly into the poor guy's prostate, causing it to swell to abnormal proportions. Unless he seeks the expertise of a kooky doctor named Wanasamsaki and his ass-obsessed assistant, Waldo should expect to drop dead in no less than three hours.

The treatment prescribed by this jovial anal prober involves the insertion of nuclear rods into our hero's aching backside. Despite some minor breakage during the procedure, the operation is deemed a smashing success. A few days later, Waldo is shocked to discover an eerie green light emitting from his dysfunctional poop shoot, a discovery that disturbs the guy to his core. What's causing this radioactive emission of energy, you ask? Apparently Waldo was supposed to give himself a daily saltwater enema as a part of the treatment, a detail he flippantly decided to ignore. Big mistake, in more ways than one.

Before you know it, Waldo's posterior is detaching itself from his body and murdering those who would do him great harm. For starters, it wipes out his cheating spouse and her spooge-fearing black lover while its owner sleeps peacefully through the night. Unfortunately for Waldo, his homicidal hump left a calling card in the form of a fecal trail that leads right to his front door. It doesn't take long for the authorities to put turd and turd together, leaving our hero to take the fall for the hideous actions of his angry anus. Can Waldo make everyone believe his outrageous story of bodily horror before it strikes again?