Can anybody else on the planet - who follows and enjoys NFL football - please explain to me what exactly the Cleveland Browns are attempting to do this offseason? With the exception of snagging the stellar offensive lineman, Eric Steinbach, from their feline foes, the Cincinnati Bengals, their laundry list of free agent acquisitions has mostly been lackluster - at best.

I Spy - Joke and Dagger Department:

I know what the San Diego Chargers are doing. The Chargers are attempting to blow up a fine football organization after a Spy vs. Spy altercation between general manager A.J. Smith and head coach Marty Schottenheimer resulted in a heavy black anvil being dropped on “White Spy“ Marty‘s head. If the Indianapolis Colts have taught us anything this past season, though, is that sometimes head coaching continuity actually pays off (although Romeo Crennel might want to keep that deposit down on his U-Haul).

And I know what the Baltimore Ravens are doing. The Ravens are succeeding in passing their NFL Salvation Army “hand-me-downs” onto the Cleveland Browns and an eager general manager-in training, Phil Savage. Derek Anderson, Gary Baxter, Dave Zastudil and now Jamal Lewis anyone?

It’s like the Ravens are the MAD Magazine and “Alfred E. Neuman’s” of this silly, satirical, football world - and the Browns are Cracked with “Sylvester P. Smythe” as their wannabe NFL poster boy (he’s the “janitor” on all the covers).

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not completely sour on Phil Savage - just yet. But how anyone can get excited about signing another one of the Ravens' ravaged ragamuffins like Jamal Lewis is beyond me. Especially when Baltimore turns around and trades for a younger (and more talented) Willis McGahee - for almost nothing but minor draft picks in return.

Now the Browns are saying that they are completely satisfied going into next season with Charlie Frye and Derek Anderson at quarterback. That statement alone is enough to make the late great comic artist Don Martin’s overextended jaw drop and go: ''GLUP! GLIK! SPLORP! SLOOPLE! CHOMPLE! GARK! SKLORSH! GLUK! KLOONG! KAPLAM! “ in his grave.