"Ladies and gentlemen of the press and my fellow citizens of planet earth, it is with great pleasure that I'm here with you today to announce officially the results of what I consider the most important vote ever taken in humanity's existence. I don't think I would be far off the mark in saying that from today onward the world will be a vastly different place, and hopefully a better one for it.

"Judging by the response of the membership of the General Assembly to Resolution 929, they obviously agreed with me on the import of its impact on the shape of things to come. Whether or not they supported the resolution is another matter, but it managed to get them all to actually vote for a change, so right there we accomplished something that nobody else has done in the history of the UN.

"This resolution was a long time in the making and to see it brought to fruition today is culmination of the dreams of many people: some unfortunately are no longer with us as it has passed to us, the second generation TESTEEs, to ensure its passage. You are all aware of the history behind this resolution; of the earlier version requiring all male politicians to be sterilized before seeking office in the hopes of curtailing testosterone in positions of power and thus eliminating belligerent behaviour.

"What first started as a voluntary program (who can forget the "Get Fixed" buttons that became popular for awhile) later became mandatory when it became obvious that some men were too attached to the notion that the ability to breed affected their leadership abilities. Unfortunately, the "Spay Your Politician" campaign did not meet our expectations.

"Although all male politicians were eventually in compliance the world over, it did not seem to have the desired effect upon their bellicosity. Unlike their brethren among canines and felines, "fixing" humans did not seem to cause a reduction in the production of testosterone and a resulting calming of behaviour.

"I must admit to you that at this point, quite a number of us were ready to give up. We had been so sure we had found the means through which war would eventually be made obsolete. It was at this nadir in the proceedings that our Turkish representative made an almost casual reference to his country's former habit of creating eunuchs for positions requiring calmness and zero production of hormones.

"Thus was the first step taken on the long road whose end we have finally reached today. With the successful passage of United Nations Resolution 929, all men from this point onward will be castrated prior to seeking political office, and all men currently holding such office will be castrated forthwith."