The Question:

My partner and I have been together for two years now and we have been living together for about four months. Now that we are living together I feel that our relationship has changed. We hardly ever have sex, probably once a month is about all we manage to achieve.

I love sex and I'm sure that my partner does too, but for some reason we just can't seem to make an effort to do the wild thing - one of us or both are always tired and sometimes it feels like we're losing sexual compatibility; now it seems like I've had more passion in the past with other men or in the beginning of our relationship.

We do love each other and we've been through a lot together but I feel that our relationship is changing and I don't know what to do about it.

We are becoming more like best friends everyday and I'm scared that the passion is fading. His idea of seduction and mine are totally different - he thinks 'Let's have sex?' is an acceptable phrase into seducing a woman into hot sex, where as I would rather be pinned up against a wall without a word being said and so on...

When we weren't living together our relationship was great; we did struggle a bit in the sex department but three times a week compared to once a month was a vast improvement.

Any advice you have considering this situation would be greatly appreciated. I don't think I want to lose my relationship but I don't know if I have the will power to save it - I don't know what to do.

The Answer:

You might be surprised to learn that almost all long-term relationships go through this phase where everyone seems to get a little lazy. From my experience, it seems to happen somewhere between 18 months and three years into the relationship.

Here are some ideas that will help you make the best decision for you.

Does he know how you feel?

Open and honest communication is the most important component of any relationship.

Talk about it! Yes, with him, not with your girlfriends, not with anyone else. It's absolutely amazing how many lovers simply don't communicate openly and honestly with one another. 

So many guys chat about their love live with their buddies, often as a way of bragging and showing off. And then they ask their guy friends if this or that sex idea would be okay. This is a bad idea for guys and girls. If you're trying to figure out what sexual experiences to try out, talk with your lover not your buddies.