Anna Nicole Smith - Return of the Blonde Monster
Published February 11, 2007
Of course, said daughter comes with three possible fathers, all of them chomping at the bit to prove they’re the very opposite of deadbeat dads – Larry “I called her my sweet potato” Birkhead, Howard K. “Tragically and forever wounded” Stern, and the most recent entry, Frederic Prinz von “I’m married to Zsa Zsa Gabor and never divulge the details of my private life." (Except when calling a fucking press conference to announce it.) Anhalt. She sure could pick them, couldn’t she? This is why God invented birth control people – the gene pool is a sacred thing, effluents should be kept out.
The little baby has bigger problems than a dead mother, a tailor-made dysfunctional family and an iffy father though – she’s also a potential heiress. Everyone’s talking about her "well-being" but seriously, you think that group of vultures isn’t sitting with an eye cocked at her inheritance? The next time you throw yourself a pity party because your life sucks, imagine being that kid.
Sadly, the notoriety Smith courted all her life isn’t going to end with her death. It’s going to go on for weeks and months as her tangled legal affairs are set to rest, and then it’ll pop up at random moments as her child grows up.
And nobody’s really going to care, because her place is already being filled by Paris Hilton and her herpes. And when she’s gone, someone else will follow. Because they all want to be famous and talent is no longer a bar – as long as you look the part, somebody out there’s got a slot you can fill. Anna Nicole Smith was Vickie Lynn Hogan’s ticket to fame and her very own Frankenstein’s monster. She swallowed Vickie Lynn whole before she died but she’ll be back another day, in another form… and we’ll have this conversation all over again.
- Anna Nicole Smith - Return of the Blonde Monster
- Published: February 11, 2007
- Type: Opinion
- Section: Culture
- Writer: Amrita Rajan
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Of course I meant "everything" not everyting, I actually graduated and never got fake boobs...
That was EXTREMELY well written!!
Forget about the cynical moral gibberish, Anna's is an epic love story with a tragic ending.
Where love is concerned, nothing else matters.
ANS was a Bleached Brunette and the part she was playing was a Bleached Brunette. The self-created stereotype of the Bleached Brunette is the dumb slut and every Bleached Brunette voluntarily joins the group. They use the GOOD name Blonde to hide behind and they need to be outed and called by their own obviously ugly name; Bleached Brunette. That will put the brakes on their 'careers' and make them actually look at how ugly bleach-coloured hair really is compared to normal human-coloured hair. Then maybe they'd behave like normal people.
Dori - hey there is no judgment here... at least not until the sex tape with hugh hefner (blech!) emerges. thanks for reading! :)
Courtney - thank you!
Mohjho - erm, you need two people for an epic love story. Funny thing - I dont see a second person.
Carol - didnt mean to diss blondes. I know plenty of blonde people (natural and otherwise) who're very talented and genuine people.
You have a point when you say these women are (mostly) bleached brunettes, but thats not a secret is it? Everybody knew that, even back in the day when Jean Harlow was literally pouring bleach on her head but nobody cared even back then coz the final product sold really well.
Point is, those women - Harlowe, Turner, Lombard, Monroe, Mansfield, set up this blonde bombshell act that sold really well. But these women had something to back it up. But once they passed on, the machine needed something or someone to fill the void and what it picked up on was the image.
Blonde hair, big boobs, big smile, few clothes. Sadly, today the real actual women behind those things have vanished into the image. ANS is just an extreme example.
I agree with everything you said. Take away money from the equation and all you have left is a drug addicted stripper. Definitely nothing to admire about that. Pretty sad actually when you consider how much news it's gotten over the last several days. Genuinely talented artists die and they barely get a mention.
Unaccomplished and utterly pointles, it's unreal the attention she got. Gossip blunts the brain.
It is a fabulous piece of writing but reading it makes me feel really sad for Ms. Smith.
Penny Genovese made a huge ass of Trimspa & Anna Nicole & her husband Joe. She is as out of control as Anna, drugs, promicuous sexy with random strangers she used Anna & Trimspa for media attention.
Speaking of Hugh Hefner, the biggest slut of all...he's the one who's made a lot of these "tragic" bimbos what they are/were, and that's about all he's ever slept with. Without the yellow-white hair, big implants, and superficials attitudes these women possess, they wouldn't get any recognition; they'd be nothing.
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You said everyting I feel so succintly.. BRAVO! I'm a fan from now on....