Anna Nicole Smith - Return of the Blonde Monster
Published February 11, 2007
Mainly, she became a topic of much ridicule. The material was simple – remember Conan O’Brien whining unintelligibly as he walked down imaginary stairs? He carried on for the best part of a year and still managed to be hilarious to the bitter end – and amply available. She ensured that personally, both by her behavior in public and the people she surrounded herself with.
Consider the panel that Larry King cobbled together the day of her death to pay tribute to her life. It featured among others:
- Monique Goen, wife of Trimspa CEO. Think Ann Coulter with fake tan. Yup, just that frightening. Managed to insert the word "Trimspa" into pretty much every other sentence.
- Joanie “China” Laurer. Former pro-wrestler and sometime acting colleague. Sobbed, mumbled, castigated media for making fun of Smith before Mrs. Trimspa stepped in. “I asked Anna about China…Joanie… whatever she calls herself,” she sniffed, “and she said China was some sort of stalker.”
- Penny Genovese. “Close friend” and Trimspa … user? Fan No. 1? Whatever. They became “friends” when Trimspa flew Smith out to be her maid of honor as part of a publicity stunt. “We met for the first time that day and became friends. Stayed in touch. That’s the kind of person she was.” Lady has no clue.
- Some Guy Whose Name I Didn’t Catch and Don’t Care to Know – I know what he looks like and will run if I see him on the street. You should do the same. Produced a couple of her Z-list movies. Visibly torn up at the loss of his cash cow. Did a nice bit of publicity for their last venture, coming soon to a video near you!
- And, of course, Donna Hogan. Sister and author of Trainwrecked – a forthcoming Smith expose. Said Smith was jealous of her because she had a daughter while Smith only had a boy (until five months ago anyway). Not even Larry understood that one. Anyway, she was another mumbler who was clear about one thing and one thing only: she HATES Howard K. Stern. Oh, and the last time she met her sister? Ten years ago.
Can you imagine dying and leaving that crappy bunch to deliver the eulogy at your funeral? Worse still, can you imagine one of the above raising your infant daughter?
- Anna Nicole Smith - Return of the Blonde Monster
- Published: February 11, 2007
- Type: Opinion
- Section: Culture
- Writer: Amrita Rajan
- Amrita Rajan's BC Writer page
- Amrita Rajan's personal site
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Comments on this articleComments
Of course I meant "everything" not everyting, I actually graduated and never got fake boobs...
That was EXTREMELY well written!!
Forget about the cynical moral gibberish, Anna's is an epic love story with a tragic ending.
Where love is concerned, nothing else matters.
ANS was a Bleached Brunette and the part she was playing was a Bleached Brunette. The self-created stereotype of the Bleached Brunette is the dumb slut and every Bleached Brunette voluntarily joins the group. They use the GOOD name Blonde to hide behind and they need to be outed and called by their own obviously ugly name; Bleached Brunette. That will put the brakes on their 'careers' and make them actually look at how ugly bleach-coloured hair really is compared to normal human-coloured hair. Then maybe they'd behave like normal people.
Dori - hey there is no judgment here... at least not until the sex tape with hugh hefner (blech!) emerges. thanks for reading! :)
Courtney - thank you!
Mohjho - erm, you need two people for an epic love story. Funny thing - I dont see a second person.
Carol - didnt mean to diss blondes. I know plenty of blonde people (natural and otherwise) who're very talented and genuine people.
You have a point when you say these women are (mostly) bleached brunettes, but thats not a secret is it? Everybody knew that, even back in the day when Jean Harlow was literally pouring bleach on her head but nobody cared even back then coz the final product sold really well.
Point is, those women - Harlowe, Turner, Lombard, Monroe, Mansfield, set up this blonde bombshell act that sold really well. But these women had something to back it up. But once they passed on, the machine needed something or someone to fill the void and what it picked up on was the image.
Blonde hair, big boobs, big smile, few clothes. Sadly, today the real actual women behind those things have vanished into the image. ANS is just an extreme example.
I agree with everything you said. Take away money from the equation and all you have left is a drug addicted stripper. Definitely nothing to admire about that. Pretty sad actually when you consider how much news it's gotten over the last several days. Genuinely talented artists die and they barely get a mention.
Unaccomplished and utterly pointles, it's unreal the attention she got. Gossip blunts the brain.
It is a fabulous piece of writing but reading it makes me feel really sad for Ms. Smith.
Penny Genovese made a huge ass of Trimspa & Anna Nicole & her husband Joe. She is as out of control as Anna, drugs, promicuous sexy with random strangers she used Anna & Trimspa for media attention.
Speaking of Hugh Hefner, the biggest slut of all...he's the one who's made a lot of these "tragic" bimbos what they are/were, and that's about all he's ever slept with. Without the yellow-white hair, big implants, and superficials attitudes these women possess, they wouldn't get any recognition; they'd be nothing.
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You said everyting I feel so succintly.. BRAVO! I'm a fan from now on....