Good morning, campers! Picking up where we left off yesterday, I am pleased to share with you the remaining two of the Five Greatest Pranks We Ever Pulled.

Numba' Two: Before we went to camp, we had plans. Mission objectives, if you will. We had pranks already picked out. We had backup pranks if we had to abort the main prank. We had specific targets that we assigned code names. We had GPS, suitcase nukes, Humvees. We were at war, people.

There was a kid on youth staff for a while named Matt. Matt was extremely strange. Part of it was the way he looked. He was "Jeff-sized," despite being only 15-years-old. Part of it was the way he talked. Imagine Michael Jackson, Mike Tyson, and Diane Rehm all rolled into one. It caught most people off guard for the first time to hear this slow, mousy, lispy voice come from this man the size of a Ford Festiva.

A big part of it was the crippling social effects of being that fat. He was always crying at the mildest slight. He often ate his food in private because he was embarrassed about the size of the portion and he was constantly paranoid about what people were saying about him, his voice, and his size behind his back.

As cruel as teenagers can be, especially boys, we actually never ripped on Matt about his size. In fact, we never ripped on anyone in any meaningful way, for that matter. That's part of the spirit of American youth camps. It's a safe place where you can go and be yourself, far away from the judgment of your family, your teachers, and your classmates.

Sure, you would get a good-natured ribbing if we found a New Kids on the Block tape in your Walkman, or if someone recognized your feet under the stall door while you were taking a big, noisy, smelly deuce, or if they caught you holding hands with some girl with braces, but that was about the extent of it. No one got it for being fat, poor, ugly, tall, short, smart, or stupid.

Matt, for all of his oddities that made him a miserable sod in real life, came to camp and was treated with a deference that he likely never received anywhere else. And then he threw it all away.

One camp in particular we lost a lot of ground in the prank war. The staff seemed to know all of our plans. They kept their rooms locked during the day. The night watch kept an unusually close eye on the back door of the boys' dorm. They peered cautiously from the windows of the lodge during their nightly meeting. They knew everything we had planned. We were disheartened, baffled, and frustrated.