Lead: The first person to throw rocks on a team.

There should be a rule in journalism where if a writer is stuck in Chicago O'Hare airport for more than eight hours on a given day, then recovers his lost luggage two days later, he is not responsible for any subsequent errors in his next published article.

Second: The second person to throw rocks on a team.

Last year, "Jerome Bettis is from Detroit" was the story line lodged in Joe Sportsnewsconsumer's gullet, no doubt rammed in there by every reporter in the nation. This year it's "Lovie Smith and Tony Dungy are black head coaches."

Yeah, I know ESPN.com Page 2 writer DJ Gallo wrote this next line. I don't care. It's gold and I'm stealing it: "I'm afraid it won't do much to change the hearts and minds of close-minded bigots ... Once Super Bowl XLI ends, African-American coaches will only have a .500 record in the Super Bowl. And .500 just doesn't cut it in today's NFL."

Roll: The movement of the thrown rock after it collides with another.

Lindsay Jacobellis has the lead in a gold medal snowboarding race going into the final jump. Stop me if you've heard this before.

But unlike last year's Winter Olympics in which Jacobellis showboated her way to a crash 'n burn, leaving her with a silver medal, Jacobellis flat out fell on the final jump in this year's Winter X Games, again rolling across the finish line for a second place finish. But for me she gets bonus points because on the final jump she went through both Bill Buckner's legs and Tony Romo's hands.

Bury: Description of a rock that is completely behind another rock.

I'm glad Barbaro's dead. He should have died long ago.

No, I don't hate Barbaro. Nor am I a hater of animals*. But, like the tarot card which shares its name, death represents change. The daily Barbaro update is cleansed from the Associated Press wire. The incessant stream of letters and hackneyed poetry from Barbaro's Army has hit a blockade.