I've always been intrigued by the broker or banker/client investment dialogue. It always struck me as, well, a bit much at times. It used to bring me into conflict with my superiors. I wanted to speak the language of my clients. I didn't want to talk down to them. I wanted to maintain a certain level of comfort without compromising my professionalism. It wasn't good enough. I had to play the lame game.

Broker: "We're coming out of a trough and stocks will rally. Capital ratios are indicating that coincidental indicators are giving an indication that I am really not sure which stock to buy things is so good. The bull is giving way to the shit and the bear to the fox."

Pause. Nod.

Client: "Interesting.”

Translation: Oh, so profitability is threatened by the ever-growing weight of our own bullshit?

Touché.

Whatever happened to keeping things simple? Why does everyone have to sound like they have been polished and waxed at a beauty salon?

It's not only in my former industry where this happens. Even in academic circles certain words find their way into the mouths of experts. Consider this gem from the Jargon Watch website:

"The structure of the bricolage conforms in many ways to the phenomenological analysis of the work of art as a privileged locus of disclosure of the horizontal structure of human experience."

Er, yeah.

If you feel dumb after listening to some people, don't be. Part of being smart is knowing how to cut through the gibberish.

Cologne rarely relieves the bad odor. Same with words. Words are nothing in themselves until we make them mean something. In the end, should we be worried? If hurling big words makes us all feel good about ourselves, then who am I to lower a person's self-esteem?

Now, if you don't mind, I have to go prepare my personal business plan. I would like to get a loan to expand my body and mind. My personal Quick Ratio is .51:1. What's yours?