Lead: The first person to throw rocks on a team.

To lead off this debut weekly column, let's go over what we're doing. I give you a definition in curling, then I follow that up with a news item. This is not a ripoff from Sal Marinello's column The Ramble, and the reasoning is because I said so. Those are the rules, and I didn't make them up. Well, I did, but I'm not proud of myself.

Sweep: To brush in front of the thrown rock with one's broom, which heats the ice and allows the rock to travel further and keep it on target.

Okay, everyone who called the Houston Texans to sweep the Jacksonville Jaguars in the regular season, please stand up. Now hold on, you've got to be lying, so please sit back down, Mrs. Gretzky.

Takeout: A shot thrown with a lot of weight that knocks another rock out of play.

I dare some driver to bump Jimmie Johnson this Sunday in Miami. The Nextel Cup points leader needs to finish 12th to secure the points championship, and I have no doubt that anyone not in contention will stay at least what Southerners call "a hunnert feet" away from Johnson's car. Matt Kenseth is only 63 points behind Johnson, while Kevin Harvick and Denny Hamlin are tied for third, 90 points back.

Know who I'd like to see do it? Juan Pablo Montoya. The former F1 racer and one-time Indy 500 winner will attempt to make his NASCAR debut by qualifying for Team Ganassi at Homestead Speedway. The dude may have won the Indy 500, but he hasn't accomplished squat in the racing world if he can't hold his own in a good ol' fashioned NASCAR brawl, which involves a couple quotes to the media, a push that may or may not involve a racer's spouse, and getting over it by Monday.

Roll: The movement of the thrown rock after it collides with another.

Dan McGowan wrote an article back in January about the pitiful Savannah State sports program. The notable low point SSU hit was in their men's basketball program, which went 0-28 and 2-28 in consecutive seasons.

Well, forget all that. This year they're on a roll. (Well, a 3-0 start with wins over nobody in particular, but success is all relative).

The Tigers should go as far as 5-0 with some non-Division I teams next on the schedule, but their dream season will vanish when they travel to the U. of Illinois later this month.

Runback: A very difficult takeout shot where a guard rock is driven back into the stone behind it, removing it from play.

Chicago Bears return specialist Devin Hester's 108-yard field-goal-attempt-return-for-touchdown (they gotta come up with a better name for that) against the New York Giants on Sunday night came nearly one year after Nathan Vasher's 108-yard also-a-field-goal-attempt-return-for-touchdown against the 49ers. If this trend continues, next November we should see the Bears' Ted Ginn, Jr. run for a 108-yard by-then-we'll-think-of-a-shorter-name-for-this-return-for-touchdown.

Hammer: The final rock of the end.

This week's hammer goes to Joe Girardi, who not only managed Rookie of the Year winner Hanley Ramirez but also won the Manager of the Year in his first season as a head skipper. Never has a fired manager gotten such a hearty last laugh.

And Sal, man these notes columns are tougher than they look.