The positive slant that I used last week in discussing the worst programs in the nation didn’t seem to help any of the Rocky 5 in their games last weekend. However, Indiana pulled off a huge upset and won their second game in a row, thereby earning a dismissal from this list of dismal teams.

So there’s no change to the Rocky 5 this week. In case you missed the headline, here’s the list.

1)Temple Bowels
2) Duke Doormats
3) Illinois Non-Fighting Illini
4) Buffalo Blows
5) Eastern Michigan Fecals

The team formerly known as the “Plus One” team, is now going to be referred to as “The Cliffhanger” team in honor of Sly Stallone’s celluloid disaster of the same name.

So this week we welcome the Stanford Stiffs to the party as "The Cliffhanger."

At the top of this heap of gridiron garbage nobody should be surprised that the Bowels were beaten like a rented mule 63-9 by the nationally ranked Clemson Tigers. The Bowels have lost 19 games in a row and will probably lose their 20th in a row this week. In their 7 losses Temple has given up 62 points or more three times and 40 or more twice.

This week the Bowels visit beautiful DeKalb, Illinois where they will face-off against future MAC mate, the Northern Illinois Huskies.

The Doormats were beaten like a rented drum 51-24 by Florida State. There’s nothing worth discussing here except that Duke has lost 14 straight and this week will host a severely diminished – due to the “Coker Effect” and to suspensions - Miami Hurricane team. In years past Miami’s walk-ons could have beaten the Blow Devils by 40 points, let’s see if the Hurricanes can at least feast on a super-inferior team.

Illinois under the “direction” of Ron Zook took another huge step backwards last week by losing to the Ohio Bobcats - of the MAC - 20-17 on a last second field goal. The details of the game are too depressing for me to relay, so you can read the game account for yourself. But suffice to say that Zook should be fired immediately in the hope that his taint can be removed from this formerly competitive program. For every game that Zook isn’t given the hook – whether they win or lose - the Non-Fighting Illini will be set back a year.

As a matter of fact, whoever hired Zook in the first place should be fired as well. This week they play Penn State Nittany Lions, who are down to their third string quarterback.