Orgasm-Faking Fay Weldon and Katherine Hepburn Are Both Wrong
Published September 07, 2006
If you want to find true happiness, just fake it.
Author Fay Weldon wants me to extol the virtues of my partner while giving up on my quest for the big O. She suggests I settle for misery in bed to insure an enduring relationship. ‘Fake it and get on with it,’ appears to be her motto. I’d better plan to remain single too, if I want a kick ass career, that is.
It is clear that no progressive feminist peers back at her from the mirror, at least not these days, as she puts forth a claim that a top-level career may be irreconcilable with sexual pleasure.
In What Makes Women Happy, Fay writes, “Eighty per cent of women only sometimes - or never - experience orgasm. Facts are facts and there we are. Deal with it.“
I read this the other day and didn’t consider it significant. Fay — although having written a few good books — has tended to contradict herself over time, writing to whatever issue is popular. At the same time, she writes in a way which produces enough controversy to gain attention for her work.
I read a couple of posts about the book on a few feminist blogs and wondered why they would bother to write about the book, as it seems a rather transparent attempt to incite in order to promote.
I started thinking (I do that sometimes, usually late at night while watching really old movies) and remembered something Katherine Hepburn said in an old interview on biography channel.
I can’t quote it verbatim, but it was her opinion that a woman has to make a choice between a man and family or a career. She said a woman could not do both well because there just wasn’t enough time in the day. I wonder if she was talking about all the time and energy going into faking orgasms in order to make the man happy.
I’m fond of Hepburn. I like her old movies and who can’t love women who said, “If motherhood doesn’t interest you, don’t do it. It didn’t interest me, so I didn’t do it. Anyway, I would have made a terrible parent. The first time my child didn’t do what I wanted, I’d kill him.”
Hepburn’s words stuck with me for a few years. It lingered long enough for me to ponder the truthfulness of her statement — all this despite the role models I had to disprove it all. What one hears (or reads in this sense, linguistically it doesn’t matter the effect is the same) becomes truth. It is possible then to assume reading a book by a fairly popular writer, in which she suggests a women should "fake it and get on with it," has some potential for becoming a fact for many who read it.
- Orgasm-Faking Fay Weldon and Katherine Hepburn Are Both Wrong
- Published: September 07, 2006
- Type: Opinion
- Section: Culture
- Filed Under: Books: Women, Culture: Family and Relationships
- Writer: cooper
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Comments on this articleComments
I "suggested" (stated would be a better word) that Weldon had no hard empirical evidence to back her claims, her claims were subjective and putting information out there which might be taken by some as fact is a disservice to women.
This post was in regard to a book, and neither the book or the post intended to touch upon women incapable on non desirous of orgasm - that I assume would be a found in a medical journal JAMA, has a few, or from a decent female gynecologist .
As I'm sure you are aware, empirical research regarding female orgasm is much rarer than that of similar research in regard to the male.
The reasons for this are anyone's guess, but as males do a significant amount of the research you can make your own assumptions.
There are clues here and there; the recent twin study and some past work by Dr. Elisabeth A. Lloyd which in which she agrees with a theory put forth almost thirty years ago, by anthropologist Dr Donald Symons, in which he concludes the female orgasm has no evolutionary purpose and is therefore " just for fun. Men need to orgasm in order to procreate women do not - so why study something which had the sole function of giving women pleasure.
One does not tackle one's own orgasm based on empirical evidence I assume one tackles any issues regarding it on a case by case basis but I stand by my opinion that if a women should not subject herself to a live of pretending or settling for less when there is no need to do so if she doesn't choose.
This post was not intended to be an investigative in regard to women who have problems achieving orgasm for other reasons or for women who don't desire orgasms. For that I believe you need a physician.
If you are assuming I am old enough to have tackled these issues you are right although I don't have a low sex drive (which is what I assume you meant when you said "low sex threshold" and I have never faked and orgasm I am old enough to know that to fake orgasms in order to maintain a relationship it not helpful advice to women.
Fair enough Cooper.
I was actually interested in the book and how people react to orgasms and relationships over time. Seems that as we age, the sex drive goes down and sometimes disappears, this then puts a strain on the relationship as a couple tries to readjust their intimate expression.
Some women who fake orgasms feel they are keeping the relationship together, but in the long run they are most likely cutting themselves off from communication with there partner thus creating distance in the relationship.
I have never heard of Fay Weldon so I wasn't sure were she was coming from. I agree with you in that faking orgasm is a disservice to oneself. Maybe Fay is writing to a younger crowd that feels that 'good' sex is necessary to clime whatever ambitions they have and faking it is simply a tool for that ends. Not something that interests me.
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(Or ping: http://blogcritics.org/mt/tb/52533)
"Fake it or end up with alone with nothing? If that's my choice, give me nothing; I'll get it myself. It's not the only choice, though, and I think we all know that."
Please indulge this ignorant soul. What are the choices that we all know? What if a woman is incapable of orgasm? Or has a very low sexual threshold? Or has been so traumatized in her life from men that she is incapable of intimacy?
I assume you are old enough to have wrestled with these problems on a personal basis and have the experiences to tackle these issues using "empirical evidence" that you sudjested in your article.