NEWS

Tom Cruise Ends War, But Still Down On Anti-Depressants

Written by Joan Hunt
Published September 03, 2006

Everyone's favorite Scientologist, Tom Cruise, recently ended his battle with Brooke Shields. Yes, Tommy has made amends for bashing Brooke over her use of anti-depressants following the birth of her first child. Seems he made a special trip to Brooke's pad and apologized for dragging her into his anti-psychiatry, "anti-anti-depressant" rants during a Today Show appearance once upon a time.

If I didn't know any better, I'd say fatherhood has mellowed the maniac. Could it be he's trying to save his career since being canned by Paramount? After all, it was Tom's couch-jumping and attacks on celebrities that got him fired in the first place. Or is it that Tom's acting lessons have finally paid off? Did Katie slip a little Prozac in Tommy's Kool-Aid? Maybe he's finally seen a bit of post-partum depression at work in his own home. Oh, wait. That's right... Suri doesn't exist.

Missing[Jumping onto my couch] Tom Cruise: Hey, stop this nonsense. Suri does too exist! There are pictures of her online!

Blogcritics: Tom, Tom, Tom... you see, well, y'know, we can't actually see the baby in those photos. I mean, all we see is a blob that looks like it might be a baby. For all we know, it's a doll.

Tommy: Listen, that's not a doll. You don't know the history of dolls, I do. There's no way that could be a doll in those pictures because we hired a baby... uh... um... what I mean to say is, well, we purposely placed our baby in that exact position to prove she exists and yet, you know, um, we didn't want anyone to get too good a look at her because we, um, don't want anyone to recognize her and try to kidnap her or anything. Oh PoopBesides, her bronzed poop was for sale on eBay!

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Former Baywatch babe, Playboy centerfold, and stunt double for Abe Vigoda, Managing Editor of Blogcritics and member of the board of directors for BLUSD, Joanie juggles her love of words, music, photography, wildlife, and television with her greatest love -- her kids. In a perfect, non-Mitty-esque world, her days would be elastic, allowing her to accomplish everything on her "to do" list.
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Tom Cruise Ends War, But Still Down On Anti-Depressants
Published: September 03, 2006
Type: News
Section: Culture
Filed Under: Culture: Celebrity, Culture: Humor and Satire
Writer: Joan Hunt
Joan Hunt's BC Writer page
Joan Hunt's personal site
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#1 — September 3, 2006 @ 15:02PM — Eric Berlin [URL]

Looks like Tom is finally trying to fight the good PR fight, no ?

#2 — September 3, 2006 @ 21:15PM — Snarkattack [URL]

He's only a few contracts late, Eric. Uh hello...Paramount, Tom?

I've said it once, I'll say it again: till Tom Cruise is physiologically capable of having children and experiencing said drop in hormone production that generally causes post-natal depression he should just bloody shut up about all that.

Someone might want to check and see he's not bipolar after that couch incident (I should know better than to joke about bipolar - it is a serious affliction).

This is ground control to Major Tom...you've really made the grade...and the papers want to know whose shirt to tear...

#3 — September 4, 2006 @ 03:27AM — ann

get real - the guy has done the right thing about apologising, if he was trying to impress you he would just say it to the press......you just hate him coz he's good looking, rich and will always get a biger salary than you with or without paramount.And u just hate it when he does the right thing don't u? And if any of have been in his reproductive organs to confirm that he can't have children pls say it coz im tired of listening to self proclaimed specialists.

#4 — September 4, 2006 @ 03:34AM — Scamps

I don't exactly buy it. He apologised but still says that he's right. So it wasn't exactly "I'm sorry I didn't respect your personal beliefs", it was more like "I'm sorry I embarassed you while claiming that I'm right. And I'm still right. So NYAH."

#5 — September 4, 2006 @ 03:43AM — ann

oh by the way, suri is for real, whoever thinks she's not pls go to hell coz tom and katie wont get any dipers from u if they care....so shut the f**k and have your own kids...im a woman with 2 children i used to stay in a place really far away from the main hospital and i underwent depression after my 2nd child was born, but i didn't take medicine i just ate well and exercised a bit... there are so many women who don't need those pills and don't use them so guess what? tom was right - again. i think brook was basically advertising for the company which produces those drugs.....vitamins are very good for your health...drugs on the other hand might be quick to get u better but have side effect even panadol has long term side effects (read the BNF before replying to this) so guess what tom was right. it's a shame being thick headed comes in numbers

#6 — September 4, 2006 @ 04:22AM — STM

Didn't Tom ditch his long-time PR a few years back and hire his sister instead?

Geez, family members are the wrong people to be handling your publicity. The word in Hollywood (and they should know) is that it's the same Tom who's always been there, the only difference being that it's now out in the open in all its glory.

With the cat out of the bag, the boss of Paramount was fairly strong in his choice of prose in explaining the company's decision, at one stage using the term "career-suicide" (I've seen the quotes) to describe his former star's unusual behaviour.

Perhaps it's the stress of dealing with public adulation and multi-million-dollar paypackets, fame being a fickle thing and all that (as Gibbo and Rusty have recently discovered).

But, seriously, what they do ain't rocket science, either, so how hard can it be??



#7 — September 4, 2006 @ 17:12PM — noname

this tom bashing is seriously turning me into a tom defender -
enough already - this mob mentality is disturbing to me as an american.

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