This is one of the funniest things you've ever written, Al:

Reading the PETA article about the misery of being a dog on a chain pricked my conscience, so I took the dog out and shot it.

That was funny about the dog. The low-keyed approach followed by the surprising punchline reminds me of a Steve Martin joke -- something like:

"I'm so depressed about my girlfriend. Umm ... she's not among the living anymore. I guess I kinda blame myself. Yeah, see we were at a party and we had an argument. She had been drinking a little and she demanded that I drive her home. I refused. She continued to insist. I didn't want to drive her home, so I shot her."

I don't usually comment on Al's posts, but I usually read them and the predictable arguing that ensues. I just wanted to say that, regardless of who I think is right or wrong about the various issues (and he is, of course, wrong about Skynyrd), I have always been impressed with Al's ability to respond to attacks, even personal attacks, with grace and often a sense of self-deprecating humor. That's refreshing.

That is some funny shit. Nearly as funny as his praise of my sorry confused ass in the interview.

A pity Lisa chose to use my nice quote instead of my critique of Al's scary beard which I also offered as an option.

Dave

/Jamaican accent

BOO, big Al dissin' Hunter da writer...

HOORAAAAAY BEER!

/end accent

gratz Al

Excelsior?

Al is the antithesis of everything a gay man wants in another man. I love you, Al Barger.

Congrats, Al!

I don't always agree with Mr. Barger, but he is hands down my favorite guy to read on BC because I always find myself laughing out loud at his rather unique take on things.

Whether he's duking it out with fans of the Dixie Chicks or egging on the likes of Rubberneck (the guy who's posted over 100 angry posts on my review of Neil Young's Living With War CD) or even going toe to toe with Mother Mary herself, Al's quick, acerbic wit meets them blow for blow everytime.

He is without a doubt a very intelligent, and very, very funny man.

And you BC editors may have just opened up a whole new can of worms by giving Uncle Al what ammounts to a mandate.

::::Shhhuuuder:::::

Congrats Al.

-Brother Boyd

Al,
I hate that you gave props to a sandwich over Neil Young, but you are a good writer and I congratulate you on your honor.
Martin

Omitted from the annals of this rather amusing Q&A is the fact that somewhere on CNN's server there exists a picture of the Senatorial hopeful, because they like to have photographs of candidates. Now if only someone could find it...

... Oh, here it is.

Suss, yer a naughty boy!!

heh..thanks fer the linky...good blackmail material

now, i wasn't that cereal with my previous comment, besides giving gratz ta big Al...

so, for the Record... ya gotta luv the guy, especially considering that he can write so proliferously while only having taste in his mouth...

i mean, c'mon... the guy likes Prince...

heh

but , i digress...

XOXOXOXOXO, big Al

Excelsior?

Al, congratulations on being honoured. It was nice to get to learn more about you.

See, Al, Libertarians DO get elected to some things!

Way to go-well deserved!

Clavos

Congrats on the well-deserved honor.

Al is the antithesis of everything a gay man wants in another man. I love you, Al Barger.

Silas, I've heard that some gay men go for the 'bear' look and Al certainly has it is spades.

Dave

Congrats, Al. I don't always agree with you but you do some interesting, engaging writing, especially on music.

Thank you all for your kind words.

I especially want to return the love to Brother Silas. Thanks, buddy- right backatcha.

Duane, thanks particularly for recognizing my efforts at grace under fire when folks are hatin' on me. I try. It's a frequent struggle to figure an appropriate response without unnecessary harshness when folks are losing their little minds on me. It's like Harry Powell said at the burlesque show.

Phil, I'm most pleased to hear you liked my PETA story. That story is absolutely true, by the way. I was looking for just the place to make that connection on the page, and Lisa's question was a perfect innocuous setup.

Gonzo, obviously I'm not a big fan of HST. I'll admit though that it gave me a second's pause for the sake of not wanting to hurt your feelings by further bashing your hero. But I figured you'd get over it. Plus, yes Prince Rogers Nelson is about 100 times more significant than Rush. But I still love you.

Dave, my beard has powers. You should indeed be scared of it. Don't anger The Beard. You've been warned.

Finally, Suss and the "blackmail" picture. That image was a casual snapshot taken at the Mercer Museum near Philadelphia. The tri-corner hat came from some display of Revolutionary War stuff.

Personally, that's one of my favorite pictures of me. Yet I got a lot of grief from my own people over this. I had this up as a campaign picture in the first part of 2004 before I got some other pictures, including the one Lisa picked out for this story. A number of Indiana Libertarians were absolutely raising hell with me over how bad a picture this was for a campaign site. It was as if one little archaic hat put me in with the fool druid we had running for governor of CA campaigning in his cheesy robes. PS I still like the picture.

lol..oh Al..

why thanks fer spending a picosecond pondering my non-existant feelings...

and i'm glad ya got the Honor here...

oh yes, and HST ain't a "hero" to me, just someone whose writings i enjoyed, and to me, served in a Twain/Swift type position as a satirist whose lies and "fish stories" communicated more Truth than most "straight reporting"

as fer Rush/Prince argument... well you enjoy what ya like... we'll work on yer being tone deaf...

XOXOXOXO

Excelsior?

Finally, Suss and the "blackmail" picture. That image was a casual snapshot taken at the Mercer Museum near Philadelphia. The tri-corner hat came from some display of Revolutionary War stuff.

I'll match your goofy costumed picture and raise you this picture.

Dave

Dave, your costume in that picture probably wouldn't be taken for a "costume" in these parts- more like Sunday go-to-meeting clothes. In any case, it's far less Satanic than your standard bio picture at the bottom of all your BC articles.

Plus it's on your own website. Al's CNN hosting pretty much kills the competition. Lord knows, Dave, what pictures you haven't shown us.

/agree with both Al and Suss...

Dave, yer bio pic/Anton LeVay imitation is still the best...

on the other hand, yer "english swine" elitist pig graphic is still the finest representation of you on the inside...

but i bet you could clean up in the California satanic circles as the reincarnation of their dark "bible's" Author

mwahahahaHHAAHAHahahHAHHAhahaHHAHAhahaHAHAHahaaaa

did i say all that out loud?

Excelsior?

Congratulations, Al, and I should herein acknowledge my debt of gratitude:

Brother Barger (as he would say) is the one who recruited me for Blogcritics, emailing me after reading my blog and encouraging me to contact EO about joining up. Right after I did so, he emailed me a congratulations, saying, "I'm proud to have brought a REAL writer on board."

Hey, Al, that compliment--and your vast and high-quality contribution--makes me conscious of how much more I could and should be doing for Blogcritics. Which is the best thing I could say about any writer on here: you make me want to be a better one.

The ass-kissing now out of the way, I should add that there's nobody more fun to disagree with in terms of the thing we most have in common: our all-encompassing musical tastes. (If you can call what Al has "taste").

Brother West, thanks for your fine tribute. I'll note that your work here has fully justified my initial high estimate.

As to musical taste, to each his own. You can have Mariah Carey and the Dixie Chicks and leave Elvis Costello to me. Whatever works for you.

Well, maybe not Mariah Carey (ugh)...how about if I take the Dixie Chicks, we can share Elvis Costello, and I'll leave Sinead O'Connor to you?

ahem. sinead o is vastly superior to the dixie chicks. and i second prince 100 times over rush. meha.

Al Barger is a bleeping idiot. It just highlights how bad a site this is.

well Walter, thanks for sharing... i guess

could you elucidate the reasoning behidn your statement?

cuz he may indeed be a *bleeping idiot*

but he is OUR bleeping idiot... and some of us might get a bit defensive...

i'm just sayin'

Excelsior?

Thanks to the previous commenter, but Dylan was right when he said "you don't need a weatherman to know which the way the wind blows" because Al and Navin don't seem that far apart.

His responses are full of a "cheesy type of egoism, and petty narcissm[sp]" so it's no wonder he can spot it.

So you pulled in more page views than BC for a few days, eh? Considering that you have your home page set to your own site, one has to ask if you block your own IP?

From reading your "reviews" of rock music, it appears you already do without a sense of taste. Pick another one.

The fact that you don't understand Thompson says more about you then it does him. He was actually working as a novelist who got jobs as a journalist. Hence, the creation of the genre name "gonzo journalism" to identify what he did because he was doing something different. No one except teenage idiots, and apparently adult idiots, ever thought his stories were 100% factual.

You are not a better writer than him (narcissism alert). Have you got yourself a paying gig with a professional magazine, newspaper or website? Anyone turning your writings into a feature film? Please cite.

But don't take my opinion; we'll let history be the judge and see if any esteemed writers and colleagues take note of your eventual passing. Funny that you would reference Hitchens as he wrote a nice obit about Thompson at Slate.

No Al Barger has not gone toe to toe with me but then again, I really don't like seeing people any longer. I have scars all over my body from such nasty and hateful birds and a generation of vipers as was quoted in the Bible. So when I ask for signs so the world can work with that instead of taking it out on me, excuse me for living.

The faithful do not know what will be. Lots of people pray for me and I, likewise; but do not ridicule me because this is not funny. Try putting yourselves in my shoes. What IF you were me? But you are not, you are you and I am me.

I tango and if you step on my feet, you will be sorry and the dance is over. How in the world can a baby be born like I was? Why don't you just let me worry about that. Will ya?

I read that Madonna is getting divorced. Pity, or is it? Can you make him love you Madonna and make me be quiet too about stealing my songs as your own? I think not. So God may be my only witness but hey, God is my lawyer, my savior, my counselor, my sweet prince too.

Anyone that is anyone, read my poems and find the ones for Madonna, the song stealer. Hey you know what she called me? The B word, and she said I am taking them and there is nothing you can do about it. Hey Madonna, God can.

Controversial Al Barger confronts the eighth wonder of the world is more like it. I feel like John the Baptist only more concrete. So what? I prove to you that the realm exists. I watch as bafoons who sold their souls to Satan try to act out the part. Man, this world is full of coniving bastards.I think John Lennon sang a song about this world that is fitting.My Momma told me there'd be days like these...strange days indeed.

My Momma actually did tell me in her own way and her own time. Glen Boyd, reviewer, I see. Welcome to my world. The world that has gone push button and be back in a hour. The world that has time of the essence. Welcome to Mary Reborn's world. Where Al Gore comes to my home in Dunedin, Florida saying Hi, Cathie, (my new name) and he comes to snoop on an invention I got science honors for but he took the credit for. Al Gore, the vice president. Steals from a teenage girl. OH pity and let us all be humble before men with guns. AHHHHHH CARUMBA~

Good for Charles Kennedy huh/ has he got the blue lady covered and is he building bridges for me?
Will they spend the money I made but did not get paid for wisely? Only one can tell. One like me, her shadow and only the shadow knows. Where automatic timing comes with her birth to just know things. Like a prayer, it will take me there. Like a statue of liberty but crying like a statue of Mary. Confined to the stereotypical egotistcal maniacs.

Plachen hombre....or iron man.
IN the garden davita honey...
don't you know I want to be true.
Iron maiden my uncle called me.
The object of a super star's affection.
M 13 not to be confused with MS 13.
Not to be dust to dust, ashes to ashes
like a Pheonix.
I will show this world what I am made of
besides flesh and bone.

Excuse me, planchen hombre. Add an n to that word.
Smile as you kill. They are smiling at you and planning to take everything you got away from you. Like a song, Michael and the mechanics...hide out in your cellars...can you hear me? Power, corrupted and no man is an island gimmick. I tell you, the evil ones might find out about total isolation, the crazy bastards. Where there was male dominence is dominent domain. I am not an Amazon woman but powers beyond your beliefs. Why don't you just watch the skies and see what the UFOS do next?

Smoke screen, screen guild writers and readers who now scan my emails, bug me continually, have me followed by secret service, continually try to thwart my stupdenous endeavors into their own hands. I am a hard act to follow some times. You never know...where the long and winding road might end. Of course unless you lay a trap there.
What's next for the ambitious cusses who steal from me? Let us pray, or prey upon her? I know too much. A babe in the woods now, all alone.
Her parents are dead. They see me, know me, put me in file 13.

John Lennon sang," As soon as you're born, they make you feel small in the song Working Class Hero. How true. But how small is a baby born like me answering Mary to her name and fulfilling a prophecy of God? How small? Ask Leanne Womack who stole my song, I Hope You Dance. I can still feel small standing on the shore of Dunedin Causeway and singing while her cousins Mitzi and Vicky on a beach blanket hear me sing and steal it. OH, fuck off your infidels. You are infidels and you don't believe in God anymore.

Oh I will write free of charge all right. A penny for my thoughts is not enough though. Belief in God when I get through with all of you is what I want. I am not doped on religion. I am in the book. I am not just a messenger, I am far more than a messenger. I am not some twit who can't get out of a snare. I am clever, classless, and free.

What ever happened to Blogcritic of the month?

So cheers, I want to go where everybody knows my name and some know it as Catherine and others know me as Mary and some just knew me and did not know my name. I am Mary reborn. I will become legend and I will make this world follow suit. You will walk upright like upstanding men when I finish grilling your asses like my face in a cheese sandwich. If Ave Maria speaks in Spanish, that would be a gueso derretida bocadillo is it?
I am the Mary who made a cheese sandwich and was praying to God while making it and I have been praying, never will stop, and I am the 8th wonder of the modern world.

Some calll me Lady of the snows. Some think I am a blob or a thing or a freak of nature. I guess in the land of wonderous colors that GOD himself can make even on Drew St. on a building explain me. Writer, songstress, poet, and what's more?
More things.com as my finale? They've already mixed church and state by meeting me. They've already had to see with their own eyes that I am no accident, my birth is not a mental disease, and I need no cure. All my predictions have come true. My answered prayer is all from God. I am from God. Being torn by church and state is not my idea of the way to go. Sorry, no compromise anymore. I am not going to speculate on what you will do with my postings. I would not mess with this woman if I were you. People have seen me call firebolts down from Heaven. People have seen me do things you cannot do. REVELATIONS...and they try to destroy those of God but what happens? In the end, God protects Mary, that is what happens! The earth will split into three major earthquakes, storms of class five will hit those who cannot fight them, your Mother Mary is back and if you don't like it, tough shit.

Yeah, I know how some of you think...you got a 307 shotgun loaded? Me, I come with miracles under my belt. I come with my wits in tact.
I come and go as I damn well please and you know what? There are legends and then there are legends that are not fabled. When you meet those who saw the miracles I prayed for, you will wish it could have happened to you. I am not in the business of miracles. I live my life and I did not exactly think of keeping a journal when I am fighting for my life over half the time.

P.S. How can Al Barger write about an article without me coming on? He can't. So I went on and now you know, that the songs, the books, the movies, and the blogs are about a baby born saying her name is Mary.

Al Barger-no, you cannot come and meet me.
Dr. Phil-I am not your_____patient.
Oprah Winfrey- I prefer to keep the color purple patent.
World-it has not been nice to know you.
Priests-are you keeping track of all the miracles plus the stigmata one?
Blog-get a life and realize I have one.

You can believe, just put away your fears.

There is a song, Change? That's just some people talking.

I bet that song enters a few of your minds about now.

Do I have a plan?

First you get people to respect God.
Secondly, you get them to respect each other.
Thirdly, you don't bite the hand that feeds you?
HA, I just threw that one in.

Watch Blue Planet and view the underwater scenes and think to yourself, could the seas boil? Give up a lot of dead? Could the polar ice caps melt? Will we be looking at eventual moving to another planet? Will God's people be given the credit they deserve? Yeah, we can move mountains but first we have to design a method to do so. Yeah, miracles do happen. It is a miracle people have not destroyed each other completely with such bad behavior. Why is there a sign on Mercy Hospital? I wrote to Richard Roberts about finding an honest doctor. I know, don't laugh.

OKAY, I read the pages Al places before us mentioning Mary Reborn Literally. You know what I think? It's about energy we put out. It's about a have at it. It's about toot toot and get to the root. Cathie-isms, that is my nickname. Funny how you say nickname...Nicolas Crowder being the false prophet and a frog needs to come from his mouth. Why can't you see why I pray for miracles after being subjected to a damned satanist like him? He said to me, "Get that Christian out of this house. I will kill every Christian that comes in this house." I tried to leave, he would not let me. Instead the evil bastard ruined my life. Kidnapping, corruption of a minor, and ever lasting scars he put upon my heart. Do you think that I am a worthless liar? I am not. I suffered people at the hands of this ruthless derranged man who killed his own sister and chopped her into peices for me to see to stay in subjection.
The guy is some where but where? Don't you think I deserve to know where he is? This is the true story of Mary Reborn. Told by a preacher that the devil comes after those closest to God. I ask you why are there people who cannot resist evil?

So on one fateful day, a guy so like the devil himself kidnaps me and wants the goody goody Christian dead. One fateful day, he chases me with a butcher knife into the bathroom where I lock myself in and he tries to open the door with something. What if this was your daughter being subjected to this unspeakable bastard? What if you were not looking for trouble but found it? What if you were being played with for some meal ticket and poor damsel cannot defend herself kind of wicked mentality? No, you don't know what it was like and I would not wish it on my worst enemy but that man is sick, some say the devil incarnate.

I have more than a shred of dignity left. I will not let bastards like him get me down again. I love God and while some of you call yourselves good Christians, let me tell you like God would tell you, your good works are as filthy rags if you do not believe in Jesus. Jesus, the one I pray to still. The one and only one who was there in spirit and saw what they did to me. I am not a witch and I am not evil. Some say I am too good for my own good. I was a victim of some brazen mobster type asshole. A tiny teenaged girl with arms pulled out of their sockets, a broken pelvis, a bashed in head, and various other ailments like being ill from a mother who tried to food poison me. You have no reason to cut me down or label me or for any other masked reason exploit that time. What you remember is a baby being born answering the name Mary, a toddler knocking on doors preaching about Jesus, a woman capable of amazing abilities of prayer. The only power she respects.

You challenge me and I will not back down. I love a good debate. If I was a crazed woman who made no sense at all, statues would not be crying. If I was a pest and a nuisance and a misfit of society, it was because I was NOT like the rest of you. Applying for patents and being first and most successful and the me, me, me world you live in. I was selfless. I helped people to get back on their feet. I sang outloud and music filled the air. I became their beacon in the dark world. You challenge me and I assure you that I will remain as sure as the day I was born.

I came across criminally insane people committing crimes against me to get locked up for three meals a day. You know what? I purposefully will not report you to police and I hope you starve to death before you commit another crime. The system is crazy and rewards evil. What the hell is going on down here? More compassion people! More soup kichens, more hands helped up! That's an order.
I want order.

lady luck, lady liberty, lady of the snows, lady of the woods...I am still a lady and if I do use the f word, it spells trouble in paradise. I am not happy with the situation and I have coped with it as best as I could up until now that is and I am going to make myself perfectly understood. This world needs to change! NOW!

The miracle in Katrina's aftermath. Now people, I told you that I can pray for proof. How many times do you ignore me? The picture of Christ like image in the cloud that is on the internet is my prayer. You want to be bad children of God? You will get punished.

If you don't believe in Jesus, you just can't for the life of you understand it, I pity you. Jesus is love. To mock me and call me Queen of Heaven is an insult. Do not call me that. I am alive and back on earth. God sent me to America in a family that no longer believed in God. People that no longer believe in God. They go through motions, they give lip service, but they appear faithful. I know they are not. I know they are lukewarm. I know they are hypocrits. I know they are lacking depth to their souls. I know!

Moses prayed to be freed from slavery.
Noah to be spared from the flood.
I prayed to get off this wretched planet
and five UFOS come for me.

You want to be arrogant cusses, slander, gossip,
play indifferent to signs and wonders?

SHAME ON THE WHOLE WORLD>

Abundant life...who gets it?
The wages of sin is death...who gets it?
The impact of signs and wonders...who gets it?

Tell me, do you get it now?

Al Barger, dark angels...just what would you call dark angels? In reference to?
I know that our world is not operating on all ten commandments.
Values of church and state are not following closey to key words...love, harmony, peace, tranquility.

Courts, lawsuits, derailment, chaos.

I mean do you want me to deny my maker? I won't.

Do I see his prophecy come true? I do.

Did I find the answer in prayer? I did.