Scene: A quiet, placid night on July 6, ca. 3 a.m. Chelsea and her trusty canine, Bodhi, are nestled quietly in bed, as our heroine must rise at 6 a.m. to be at work on this impending morning ...

Bodhi: BARKBARKBARKBARKBARK!!!!

Chelsea: *still groggy from sleep* Bodhi, what are you barking at?

Bodhi: The white trash in the government-subsidized housing down the road is shooting off fireworks again.

Chelsea: What the hell...?

Bodhi: Because now that it's after the 4th of July, they can buy their fireworks for cheap. And unlike you, they aren't working in the morning.

Chelsea: Why do I sense that you're a Republican?

Bodhi: Because I think I'm better than you and love to lick my own balls?

Chelsea: That would probably be why.

*fireworks in the distance*

Bodhi: BARKBARKBARKBARKBARK!!!

Chelsea: Damnit Bodhi, you know what it is, why are you barking at it?

Bodhi: I just wanted to alert you to the fact so that you can feel bad about being a liberal and promoting people such as our pyrotechnically-inclined, orthodontically challenged friends down the road.

Chelsea: Well, you're going to wake up the neighbors. So stop it.

Bodhi: Actually, no, your neighbors are having sex right now. The fat slovenly ones on the other side of your bedroom wall, actually.

Chelsea: Why do you tell me these things?

Bodhi: If I have the unfortunate gift of sonar hearing and have to hear them, you at least have to be as miserable just knowing the fact.

Chelsea: Yeah ... I'm going to go make myself a stiff drink.

Bodhi: Welcome to my private hell.