Elsa,
Take your man to Nevada, purchase a legal prostitute, go into the room with him and enjoy a hearty threesome. He'll thank you for it.

Elsa, I meant... "Just Married" take your man to Nevada, purchase a legal prostitute... etc...

Oh and it's Connor, not Condor... typo

Hard to believe people still get upset over porn.

oh the self-rightous. everyone wants to be the next dr. phil.

don't you know that bashing porn is so....sooo
1975.....

the year by the way is 2006. you can watch porn at the hilton with a hilton now.

jack jett

I have to say...I don't know any guys who DON'T have a bunch of porn on their computer. For that matter, a substantial number of WOMEN I know have a bunch of porn on their computer....

I can understand being upset because the husband lied (although I also understand why he lied), but being upset because he has porn??? And considering it "cheating?" That's absurd and unreasonable.

I'm not a blogger, just a reader, but I hope no one minds me jumping in on this subject,.couldn't resist. I understand completely about being against porn, no comparison to "Michelangelo" as mentioned. Porn is meant to arouse, art is to be admired, because that's real talent. I can't compete with women who look perfect, and perform perfect. They get to be air-brushed, or do a take over, until it's 'PERFECT". In my bedroom, nothing is perfect, and if my husband watches his share of porn, what will he expect from me, and now am I dissapointing, cause my thighs aren't tight, or my lips aren't full enough, or I didn't grown just right at the sight or feel of him??? How about some reality porn, where the wife actually has AGED, her butt has been invaded by gravity and celulite,(sp?), and lets not forget, the husband dosn't look 21 any longer?? You give guys this B.S. fantasy to watch, then they get climb into bed with the real deal. Ya think maybe that could mess with out heads?? I know in the past, when I've watched porn, I didn't think of my husband, I fixed on how well the guy was doing his job on the screen. Now I have to accept what my husband thinks I like to turn me on, cause even though I've told him a thousand times, I know I will have to tell him a thousand more, to get it the way I like it, but not the guy on the screen. He gets it right EVERYTIME. Porn is for the lonely, or self pleasers cause their partners don't have a clue. Porn is not for couples, unless your'e into something other than what you can both call normal. I firmly believe, if you're a closet porn viewer, you're a closet freak, and you need to find a freak for a partner, and yes I beleive porn is like an affair, especially, if you don't want your'e significant other to know. What's up with the secracy?? If you can't say or do something in the front of the eyes or ears of your partner, then there must be something wrong with it. A fart is embarrassing, but I do it and my husband will hear it. Masturbation is a normal function, and I'd do that in front of my husband, so why would I choose to hide it?? Help!! I'm running my mouth, but you get the picture

dee

why does he need to lie? What is he protecting? Once the lie is found out, that's what he becomes,....a liar.

Dee,

You're reading way too much into the porn thing. It's not art, it's culture. But... I know several photogs who take their art seriously and if they are doing nudes, or porn, they are using techniques that have been established, the same as a figurist would.

I also know several artists in the fine art category who also draw provocative studies from time to time. Is that porn too?

That said, you have alluded to a matter which I don't think most men realize. That being, you feel in competition with the porn/art. That's a revealing (no pun intended) aspect which most men don't take into consideration. Should you feel in competition? Or, as in any public setting where there are lots of mingling... is it natural for the women to feel as if it is an competative atmosphere?

Very interesting indeed. I would say, men like competition. If you feel the need to compete in the looks department... feel free. If not, there are plenty of men who could care less about competition. They just like looking at women, as the women are pleasing to the eye and invoke the beauty that is inherent to all women.

Porn is not for couples, unless your'e into something other than what you can both call normal.

It sounds to me like we're talking about YOUR definition of normal, dee, and it's a hell of a narrow view. If watching porn constitutes being a freak, I have to imagine that, say, S&M constitutes being psychotic.

Conner, I'm sure I know the difference between art and porn, and the purpose for both. Let's not mix words, porn is porn, and art is art. Why do you have to be 18 to get on a porn site, but not art. Also, I can't say I remember Michealangelo, doing any blowjobs on canvis, or a skinny blonde in leather. I know art can be grahpic, and maybe even disturbing, to maybe my old school mom, from the 30's. Let's not get off the topic at hand,.....a husband who lied to his wife about having porn. Why? As a man would you like to take a guess at that? Make me understand, if it's not such a big deal, than why lie about it?

Michael, you are so right, that was a narrow view on my part. I have watched porn with my husband, to change it up in the bedroom. I've also watched porn, while he's been on the road for too long, but I don't have a private collection that I hide from him. Why do you think anyone needs to hide their collection from their partner? If you believe you have a healthy emotional, and physical relationship, then why the secracy?? That's all I'm trying to get at, while I sprew my own insecurities.

dee

i am confused..is this your story? what does neptune have to do with it?
embrace the porn. love the porn. be at peace with the porn.
btw..do you know if he had discovered some cool free sites?

jack jett

because he didn't think she would understand? to compare porn to drinking is foolish. shit, i like porn. but i love my girlfriend. when she ain't around for a couple days, now and then i whip it out (the porn). some nice me-time. not a damn thing wrong with that.

the writer (just married) obviously has antiquated ideas about porn. she considers it cheating? ha! stickin your dick in another woman is cheating. gettin off by yourself is just... getting off. a huge betrayal? fuck off. get over yourself. she feels like she "doesn't even know him?" ahh... same old guy, but with porn! jesus... my girl's got more porn than i do, but i don't show her my porn. meh.

to the writer, i say, "grow up." to porn teetollers, i say, "silly person."

Jack, no it's not my story, and zingzing, finally someone with some type of answer. "Maybe she wouldn't understand"....help us to do that then, or at least try, which btw, you helped me just in that short line......communication is art!!

What's a porn teetoller??

just to clear things up for all women:

q: why do men lie to women?

a: 1)to hide something truly awful, 2)to make themselves look better, or 3)women want to hear something different than the truth.

any of the three can apply here, but obviously #1 only applies to catholics (or other self-haters), #2 only applies near the beginning of a relationship, but becomes a reason in itself if it is consistently brought up, and #3 applies to everything, with the level of lie depending upon the woman--you tell every woman what she wants to hear, otherwise you would never talk to a woman. (of course, now and then, you just got to let her have the truth, harsh and simple.)

oh, and i meant "teetotaller." i fucked it up. (if still confused-->it refers to abstinense from alcohol, the temperance movement, etc. originally, but i use it (and i'm sure others do as well) to describe any negative attitude toward supposedly "sinful" activities for silly moral reasons.)

I can't argue with your 3 answers to why men lie to women....all true, and from experience, I will beat to death a truthful answer, only becuase I want to make sure I understand it inside out. I am a creature of simplicity, so don't throw too much my way, just a bite at a time....that's how the brain functions. Old age? Just a woman? Hmmm! Look, I know you guys are wired different, and I try like heck to get it. All I want is to undrstand, be understood, and please,.....no lying, especially if given the chance to be truthful. You hunt, we nest, but dammit, we all suffer from lies, eventually. Sometimes it's necessary to tell little white lies, but the glue that binds relationships, ......that's the lies you don't use. I once heard, that it's all about emotional immaturaty, is why someone would not own up to the boundries crossed in a relationship. when I heard that, I thought good and hard about my own,....am I doing my part? Answer: Yes

Dee,

Who's lying? They both are. He is for being whipped and not laying all the cards on the table for a full picture of his humanity.

and She is for feeling betrayted after probably repressing his being forthcoming on who/what he really is like.

Did he deny anything? What stakes were on the table? Was lying about being "abnormal" in regards for liking to look at nude people acting in front of a camera? Why did he lie? Was her commitment at stake if he was truthful. Was she so damn fine that he would do anything to hang on to the so fine a mate? Perhaps... no, probably.

Fact is. She's uptight about porn to the point she repressed his ability to even broach the subject, in FEAR of losing... her. Or in fear of embarassing himself, which if that is the case... perhaps "they" don't belong together.

If you can't be yourself around your mate... it's not working; is it?

I look at porn occasionally... but I don't really feel the need to masterbate. I might look at porn for a totally different reason than some people. I like the photographic content... the way the picture was composed etc...

I've seen art from a variety of cultures, there's a lot of porn out there... Michaelanglio might not have been into the art of porn... and I'll give you that. But ancient graphical representations of the Kama Sutra will prove your comment regarding art/art and porn/porn as a false statement.

Dee, you say,

Sometimes it's necessary to tell little white lies

And perhaps that's the kind of lies that we men are telling when we lie about porn? Aren't the lies "I don't find other women attractive," "I never fantasize about sex with anyone but you," and things like that?

I'm gonna hold on to art is art, and porn is porn. i get what you're saying about the two, but once again, just to be clear, we say porn, when we mean sexually explicit for the purpose of arousal, yes?? Back to being in an honest relationship,...pretty tough water to tred. No matter how long I've been married, I find that everyday is a learning experience, hopefully I'm getting it right. Just getting to this blog, and getting involved has been an eye opener. I also know, that in the end, it's just opinions, and no real answers, but the feed back helps me to re-think, I want to be the sexy turn on for my husband. I know, fantasy to think no one but me could turn his head, but that's my fantasy. Porn blows that out of the water for me. I know, if my hubby is watching porn, he's holding his johnson, feeling the lips of another woman, (porn star) and she's, not me, she's getting him off. the thought that goes through me, is, this young hot babe got you off, and you could see her, your mind went to her lips, and the whole nineyards. Another man between my legs, is foreign to me, but for you guys, no big deal, even if it is just a movie. this is where we feel, we'e not good enough, or he wouldn't go to the porn.....I'm supposed to be enough, he is for me. Childish? Maybe, but that's how WE are wired. Maybe I'm basing this on someone who over endulges. If it's here and there, no harm. i have to go to work, so I'll check back in the morning.

dee, you're looking at it from your (a woman's) perspective. men don't "feel the lips" of another woman when they masturbate to porn. they feel their hand. (or in the case of "the stranger," they feel nothing.)

man's instruction to his woman: "be my friend, my lover, my protector, my everything... romantic etc, etc, etc."

man's instruction to porn: "gimme a hardon so i can get off. thanks. later. sheesh."

i don't call out a woman's name when i'm strokin it. i don't even want to know a name.

OMG, this place is addictive....thanks for clearing that up zingzing. I know when I watch porn, I can feel that dude in me, and so on. Thought it was the same for guys. Are ya sure about that? Any other guy on here brave enough to be honest? I mean do ya feel what your'e watching?? Really got to go to work now, be back in the a.am. I could be dangerous if I started watching porn, the addiction and all,..just look at one day of BC did to me!!

Any other guy on here brave enough to be honest? I mean do ya feel what your'e watching??

Not even close. If I could do that, I probably would never have bothered to actually, physically have sex.

And even if we could feel it, it wouldn't matter. Because it's not real. There's nobody else actually there. No intimacy, physical or otherwise, is being shared with any other person.

And back to this point in your previous comment:

this is where we feel, we'e not good enough, or he wouldn't go to the porn.....I'm supposed to be enough, he is for me.

THIS IS WHY MEN LIE ABOUT PORN. EXACTLY WHY. To spare the women from these feelings. And it's why I do not and will not see men lying to women about porn as a bad thing.

no disrespect here, none, but unless you have penis shaped fingers, or your husband has a finger sized and shaped penis, or you have a dildo that is very warm and pumps stuff out of it (the most likely possibilty), then porn equals not sex.

sex is better. porn/masturbation is just a substitute, and a lousy one at that.

ah porn, as a introverted boy i found seclusion
deeper and deeper there i fell
incompassed enclosed encountered
in greed of explotation where
money is king and love is denied
as in public i'm fooled in secret it hides

Dear Elsa, unless you believe our society has lost it's moral fabric then by all means feel free to participate with hubbys porno pleasures. Play the Im not responsible game and go for all the gusto. On the other hand we could say watching porn as your not so perfect husband seems to enjoy then thats cheating. We as humans have a choice. Choose wisely Elsa.

A word of advice. Do not allow mr perfect to take revealing pictures of you. As sure as the sun will rise tommorow it will come back to bite you.

My stand on this issue. If your married and depending on how serious one is concerning their marriage vows watching porn is cheating on your spouse.

Joe #26:

Not only is the poetry lame and cliched, but the spelling and grammer is not very good either.

Old Poncho #27:
If your married and depending on how serious one is concerning their marriage vows watching porn is cheating on your spouse.

Please. There is nothing in the traditional wedding vows that even implies that watching porn is bad. Unless you wrote your own vows, and they say, "And I promise never to watch porn." I suppose masturbation itself qualifies as breaking one's wedding vows?

Like I said. It's your choice Michael. What are the words to the so called traditional wedding vows? Been around some Michael and Im In no position sir to make judgements ever. Have a good day.

The feeling of being being, CHEATED, not cheated on, is what comes from your partner watching porn without you. Make sense? I don't get to be a part of his pleasure, but that's ok, like I said earlier, if it's not excessive. Define excessive? More than I'm getting laid. These days, working different hours is the blame for that, but that's getting better, right honey?? :) Today is a new day, and I got to think again how I feel about porn, with the help of opinions from others. I'm a little more relaxed on the subject, but it still makes me feel uneasy. I'm glad to hear your bodies don't feel what the eyes are seeing,.......too bad for you, thought you'd have a better imagination. I've had to accept porn throughout my marriage, not rubbed in my face I might add, thank goodness for that. I've actually talked with my husband about it, how it makes me feel, and he would try to assure me that I had nothing to worry about. Knowing that he just might be trying to softern the blow, I am now a bit more convinced, that maybe, just maybe, I worry too much. Guys, WE want to be your porn. I need an intense connection with my husband, that's me. I need honesty or I'm a mess. I give what I expect, and especially if you tell me that's what I'll get. I have a question for all you guys with a wife or girlfriend. Imagine her watching porn the moment she thinks she has the house to herself. Imagine she has a library of porn that she keeps from you. She's in front of the PC with her fingers, dildo, or vibrator, and you are not the one getting her off. It's some young, hard body, tan, strong tongue, well hung guy, plunging the depths of her pussy,.....just on screen now,...while she drops her head back, moans with pleasure, and your'e not the one doing it?? do you think you might feel like you just got cheated??

Nope. Because he's just onscreen.

For that matter, my fiancee DOES have a library of porn on her computer. And she doesn't share it with me. And I never ask her about it or look for it.

Group hug!

Dee, You too can be your husbands porn queen. Just be sure you know what you're getting into.

Hint: Watch the grande finale on most porn movies (i.e. multiple partners, wild hedonistic sex with both sexes)... Of course the men don't engage in bi-sexual acts of carnel knowledge... but that's to be expected in a male dominated industry. However, you should promote that in your relationship, THAT will get his attention.

Dress seductively... by lots of alluring under garments. Have him shop with you. Get on some juicy mailing lists for porn by mail/internet. Try Adam and Eve or some other company which deals in erotica. Wear appropriate makeup and outfits for the circumstance.

Hint: Go online and order the "Juicer." It's a pyrex marital aid. Amazon even carries it. Heats up in warm water and REALLY rocks.

Blow him like before you were married.

Uh... can't think of anything else... other than... enjoy yourself. Enjoy yourself. Truely enjoy it. Real porny women (in and outside the industry) really enjoy what they're doing.

Go to nude beaches, Nude carribean resorts, Nude cruises. Go to the porn industry trade shows in Vegas. Live it up! Let him know you approve and are totally into it. Totally.

Then watch him change. He'll either shirk away from the boldness or totally get into it.

Seriously.

Ginger, I give better blow jobs since I've been married, so giving hubby the ol' blow job would be dissapointing for him.... :) Michael, what can I say, you have your cake and get to eat it too. Can anyone direct me to free porn? I've tried to find it in the past, but there's always a fee. I'd like to see what I've been missing. Maybe it's what I need?

Ah lust after other wimmen.

Free porn.... it's all over the place. Get crackin' try pinkpornstars that'll give you a listing by porn star.... with lot's of free pics.

Male and female.

Persiankitty ..... lots of pop ups

and you HAVE to be over 18.... got it.

Ms. Ginger. Not sure but I think your comment is in the right direction.

don't know how this got to feel like a, "Dear Abby" for dee, but it has been a good talk for me. work, work, work, it's off to work I go.....thanks again for the sites. I'll be checking them out. As for how this got started, I still think a guy should role the dice and be honest about his porn interests, cause he's not helping his relationship by lying. there's always hope for enhancing his relationship.

You just hit the nail on the head Dee.

Seeya around

The trust and faith in your spouse as the years roll by is far greater then sex and porn. Should that trust be broken it will become a permanent scar. Even if forgiveness is on the menu the scar may lessen but it still remains a scar. Just dont breach unknown territory. The bite is not worth it. From Old Poncho.

Well said Old Poncho...I couldn't agree more.

It has just happened to me. I found porno sites in my boyfriend computer and it was devastating for me. My own reaction was a surprise to me. I was shaking, trembling, couldn't stop crying. I felt that I was utterly betrayed. I empathised so much with Elsa, because I too made the mistake of putting him on an altar with the gods. I knew he liked watched women, although he says it's my imagination, but never thought he likes to watch porno. Let me put things straight. My problem is not about the porno, my problem is about watching the porno on the hide while he wouldn't watch movies with me where the plot involved prostitution. I even had to wathch an erotic film "The realm of senses" by myself. I know I have to move on, otherwise this relationship will go wasted, but I can't understand what I did wrong, why he needed to watch other women, is it that my body is not tight, I'm not blonde?, not young? Should I myself start to watch porn too and get into it? How can I now know that when he said it's past, it's really past? Why would it be anyway? Just because I caught it? Thoughts?

Personally, I dont know what the big deal is about porn to start with. what if it were just erased off the face of the earth? What would be the replacement? I don't know what to tell you about your bf, but I understand the uneasy feelings of being surprised by the deception. I guess the only way to understand porn, is to have an interest in it. I don't know if I watch porn to get horny, or watch porn when I am horny, which is very, very, seldom. Right now I'm just curious about what's available out in cyber-space. Kind of illiterate about how much is accessable on the net in general. I think you need to have a heart to heart with your bf, and hopefully you two can get things out in the open. Communication is the best educator. I know that some people will watch porn in private, , because they feel it is a personal and private choice, and maybe embarrased or feel shy if others knew.....understandable. I've had some good feed back on here, and it has helped me, at least, to not get so worked up about the idea of porn. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, don't know what the big deal is, but then again, why make a big deal out of it, and get myself all upset. I think we've come back to, the lying, and we women don't like lying. Yeah we don't like that you guys watch young hard chicks, doing things that turn you on, and then the reality is us older women who you get in the bed, and are we still the apple of your eye? Guys, it's a confusing message we get all the time. "We're visual creatures" Well we know your visual, and we hope we can still be pleasing to YOUR eyes. It shouldn't be so complex, but it gets that way sometimes.......wow! Did it again,...started spewing......sorry. Sheine, hope you get something from this thread, like I did. I chilled alot more on the topic than I have ever before, just because I got to see some other views on this issue.

dee

Sheine, you did nothing wrong. Why should you have to watch his porn. Let him follow Sheine. Men follow if it's true love. What happened to chivalry? What happened for a mans respect for women? Men open the door for porn to enter but forgot to keep that same door open for the lady. Sheire, please take control. Just from Old Poncho. God Bless.

For all you people who watch porn, if your partner came to you and asked for you to get rid of it all, and promise to keep it out of your life, would you? Would you give it up for love?

I'm no big fan of porn myself but would you consider it love to ask someone to give something up like that? What exactly is the incompatibility between porn and love anyway? They aren't mutually exclusive terms...

The incompatibility is the discomfort it causes one of the two in a realtion. I'd give up what made my mate uneasy, if it's within reason, and why not? I want my relation to be better. It's not like losing a body part, is it?

Also, when I said would you do something for love, it's pretty simple. If you love someone, you do your best, to show it, and act on it. Giving up something as SMALL as porn, shouldn't be painful. If your life is consumed with porn, then you have a problem. If it makes you uneasy, or uncomfortable in any way, what's the harm not wanting it in your life. This has to be a mutal agreement, of course, but I could do it with no second thoughts. Christopher, did you have a thought on the lying about this? How do you feel about people who hide the fact that they get into porn? Or should I say, hide it from their partners?

What if your attitude to porn made your partner uncomfortable? Would you give that up?

Perhaps some people conceal their interest out of consideration for their somewhat more uptight partner..?

I think the one that is uptight is the one spanking the monkey when they think no one is around. I don't get told EVER when this happens, but I can tell you this. My husband knows if I decided to pop in a dvd, because it dosn't shame me. Beleive me, I am not shy about too much, but it makes me wonder about those who are. I'll masturbate right in front of you, dvd playing or not......why can't I get the same? My attitude about porn is only because he's not more open about it. That makes me worry. Got an answer for that? I sure don't

Being the person I am, I will bring this up again with my husband, and maybe we can both finally come to mutual grounds on the topic. I'd love that.

Thanks so much for your feedback. That was my first time to send a comment to a blog, this is an amazing social communication fenomena. I think porn could be seen as a threat to women since most of us are not as perfect as those who are taking part of the porn video. For me the disturbing part is to be left aside, not knowing what's going on with my partner and not understanding what effects the watching of those videos produced on him. He said it didn't produce anything. But I disagree, you don't watch something repetidly if it is neutral material. Communications, as Dee mentions is the key, what went wrong to have that disconnection? How to go about now and how to give to what happen the proper dimension, not too much as if it is the end of the world but not to ignore it, because, yes, something happen and it was some kind of a wake-up call for me. I'm awake now. Cheers.

Only one person was able to answer what it would feel like to have your girl hide porn from you, #31. So once again, how would it feel if the shoe were on the guys foot? Your lady collects porn for her satisfaction, and you don't get to be a part of it, and she lies to you if you asked? Have to go to work now

Christ#45. Please tell me your not serious.

Here goes...a little reality check. I'm hot and sexy, I've aged pretty well. Insecurities take away from that. What the heck am I so worried about? Girls, we do it to ourselves sometimes. If your guy loves you, and TELLS you this, and his actions back up his words,and all is going along nicely, why ruin it with unflattering insecurities? Confidence is so attractive, and I don't mean conceit,....there is a difference. I know I don't have the 20 yr old body any longer, but I'm doing pretty good with what I have. Guys, try a little honesty if we approch you on this subject. Honestly, my concern would be anyone watching porn obsessively. Now titty bars, hmmmm, that's another matter. Too much real ass in those places. Don't care for the drinking and the guard being down, and a girl hustling the $$ out of my honey's wallet. Show ME the $$ Oh, one more thing,......if the porn being watched is about small animals, or big ones at that, it's time for a new lover. I do draw the line.

Sheine used a key word, "DISCONNECTION"
Alas, a little closer to understanding what the fear is. Cheated out of something, disconnected from something. Not being a part of. Guys getting it now?

I consider everyday obsessive.....

Went kind of quiet on here. If any of you have a chance, there's an HBO movie, KINSEY. Pretty interesting. About a scientis from the 50's and his studies of sexual behavior.

Without honesty you have nothing and true love is non-existence. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

FIRST CORINTHIANS 13... VERSE 4 5 6 7.

I really love what you posted Poncho,.. it touched my heart and gave me a warm and fuzzy. Hope that dosnt sound childish. Sometimes it takes just a little to make me think a lot, and you did.

Please take care dee. Your a fine lady. God bless. OP

OK...Here are my thoughts...I know how you feel about being hurt and feeling like he "cheated" and whatnot, because I am going through this with my boyfriend right now. I don't have a problem with porn itself, it is when he does it behind my back and lies about it, and then when I want to get it on, he's too tired or whatever because he has already gotten his jollies off. I DO feel like I have been replaced sometimes because it feels like he would rather watch porn than be with me. I didn't tell him though to stop watching it, instead I suggested watching it together. That way you can both get what you want and it adds a little spice. However, it's when they still choose that over you, then you have the problem, which is my issue right now. Some might think it is a security issue with me, and I don't completely disagree. But I also think it is a respect issue with your guy. If it is something that makes you uncomfortable and hurts you, they should respect your feelings.

Porn accentuate disparity of beauty. It's in a sense the opposite of burga. In consensual society, porn allows pretty girls to out evolve the ugly ones. So ugly bitches hate porn.