Dear Elsa,

I moved to Bangkok from the States when I was three months pregnant, after realizing the father of my baby was having secret sexual relationships with other women. He has made many attempts to get me to come back. I won't. However, I am lonely here with my mom, and I want to raise my daughter with a husband.

My most longstanding male friend who also lives in the States seems to be interested. He is emotionally honest, calm and compassionate... but he is 60 years old. I fear having a relationship with someone so much older, due to social stigma and due to the potential of having sex. I am also afraid of exposing my daughter to too much relationship weirdness.

Also, how do I deal with her father trying to make himself a part of our lives, when I don't want this? I am dealing with a bit of guilt about procreating with a person who caused me pain, and wondering whether to expose my daughter to him or not. Deep down, I know it's best not to. But this desire has been met with much social pressure from friends and family, in the form of "a girl's got to have a daddy". There's also the notion that he is ENTITLED to a relationship with her (via his biological connection), which is what he keeps emphasizing in his emails.

I have been celibate and out of contact with men for almost a year, and I am getting so lonely. What do you recommend I do? Stay here relatively isolated... or return to start a relationship with my old friend? I want to be working, involving myself with the public. But now I feel bored and isolated in tropical paradise.

Thank you,
Scorpio Mom

Dear Mom,

I think you will wind up going back to the States. Bottom line, you sound very uncomfortable where you are. It makes sense that being pregnant and cheated on, you would go to your mother. But the fact is, your baby is born now and it sounds like you are ready to start your (new) life.

If you wonder about this, just read your own writing. You have nothing good to say about "paradise" and I am sure it goes much deeper than that.

I think you have unfinished business in the States. If this were not the case, all your energy would not be concentrated over there. It makes no sense. So let's talk about these men.