Dear Elsa,

I've been dating a wonderful, kind, and spiritual man for seven months - in most ways, he is the man of my dreams. The downside is that he has been going through a chaotic divorce for the past two years. Although he has filed, they are still in the negotiation stage and nothing has really moved in the past year.

Here's the problem. He has been married twice and has five children ranging from 3 to 19. Although he has a good job and income, his current wife doesn't work outside the home and they lived beyond their means. That is, he's over his head in debt and she keeps spending. He turns over 85% of his paycheck to his wife to pay for living expenses for the wife and children. Apparently this amount still isn't meeting her expenses as she continues to send my boyfriend unpaid bills.

Several months ago my boyfriend and I decided that he would move in with me. Although I knew at the time that he was financially strapped, I had no idea how bad. It goes without saying that he has not contributed a dime toward food or household expenses. In fact, he has to borrow small amounts from me from time to time and it appears that his wife is continuing to spend money frivolously - yet he does nothing and the divorce does not seem to be moving forward.

It may seem obvious that I need to dump the man until he's on his feet. However, we get along wonderfully and he is a great lover and companion. Also, my two teenaged children enjoy having him around and he has been a very good influence on them.

Am I being too pushy in wanting him to be more aggressive in getting the divorce finalized and getting his finances in order?