Oh my you are an inbred newyorker aren't you. when you go to the country do you measure everything in terms of New York City blocks?

Don't worry, it seems a common ailment among city dwellers. My mother doesn't seem able to measure a distance without comparing it to an equivalent one in Toronto-"Oh that's about as far as The Opera House is from The University", could refer to a stand of tree located near a farm or the buildings in question.

I'm sort of a hybrid, having spent half my life in the big cities,and the other half in small towns, but I have more sympathy for your dilemia than the reverse.

The bane of my wife's existance is a horrible thing that's married to her uncle that would make a book end for Laura Nell. She's always full of advice and moral homilies for anybody she can corner, and concerned about family matters, even when they don't concern her.

I just love the simple country life, but some of the simpelton's that accompany it are enough to make me puke.

Richard Marcus

Richard:

I think most New Yorkers love the country--as long as it's been "tamed" for their materialistic, bourgie sensibilities. A nice cottage out in the Hamptons or Connecticuit, on some winding lane a la Martha Stewart-ville, as a summer or weekend retreat with all the shops and other accoutrements of the city would do nicely. Yeah, it's disgusting, isn't it--lol.

I guess I approached the letter in a--er--lit crit way--and if I were grading it, I'd have to give it an F minus for clarity, coherence, grammar, and whatever else one could think of. Maybe I'm being a snobby writer, but jeez, is it too much to ask that you proofread what you write before sending it out to your whole extended clan? I won't send out a greeting card without double checking what I scribbled, for shit's sake.

I doubt Laura Nell was surprised that BG didn't show up, so if BG had been of a mind to (though it would have to be a demented one) he could have, say, just phoned his cuz to chat a bit and touch base. But I think that base was better left untouched.

ROTFLOL, EB-! Good one! For my part, I have always found New Yorkers to be charming, lovely, gracious, friendly types - even on a bus in the depths of Harlem, when I was hopelessly lost & a very lovely gentleman with dreads got me on a correct bus & escorted me all the way down to the Met Museum himself, carefully pointing out where I'd find the correct return route to Spuiten Duivel (sp?). I was there house-sitting for 6 weeks, and I never once met a nasty New Yorker. I think maybe their rep for being surly & hostile is carefully cultivated to keep away jerks, but they're all mostly marshmallow underneath?

That said, I'm curious as to how this Laura person could have gotten BG's address in the first place, & why would she bother to continue to post when he shows no interest in contacting anyone 'back home'? The invitation doesn't sound like they're trying to sell anything, but maybe I'm naive. There's nobody slicker than a country 'hick'.

Nancy:

Thanks so much for the lovely comment! Actually, the vibes in BG's Bronx neighborhood are great. It's a relatively low-income nieghborhood--especially compared to Manhattan--but the people are incredibly mellow and courteous. I'm currently in Manhattan, but I'm in the process of selling the coop my ex-boyfriend and I own and moving close to BG in the Bronx. It's a helluva culture shock, but I've come to love the area, which has its own unique charms.

I don't know if I'm a typical New Yorker, but I think people in big cities in general are a little more cautious sometimes until they get to know you. But whenever I've seen someone in distress, strangers always rush over to help, and that's really heartening.

I've always wanted to check out Spuyten Dyvil (sp? lol)--I've seen pictures and it looks so cool.

As for Laura Nell, I think she's got a few screws loose. BG and his dad really have no idea what hole she crawled out of after all these years. It's just astounding that she didn't personalize the letter a little, especially considering she thought we might actually go for a one-day trip all the way out there. I've met all of BG's immediate family, and they are all incredibly wonderful, if sometimes idiosyncratic, folks (but that makes them all the more interesting), so it's not like I have anything against non New Yorkers per se. But I just shudder at the thought of what that blowout would be like! Wonder how Laura Nell would fare in NYC (lol)?

Have you thought of really blowing her mind & writing her back to ask "who are you, where did you get our name(s), and why are you bothering us like this?" OR you could always send her a card returning her invitation and say something like, 'I'm so terribly sorry but BG was one of the people recently killed and cannibalized by the serial killer known as the Bronx Butcher you've been reading about in the news... This addressee is no longer valid; please remove from your mailing list.' and of course there ISN'T one, but she'll go crazy trying to find out. Wouldn't that be fun?

I was actually sitting a coop/condo/apartment up in the Riverdale area, which is gorgeous. Just a 'short walk' over the hill (but a long hike for anyone not from NYC & therefore used to public transit or hoofing it) was the commercial district & where you got all the buses, trains, subways, etc. I went all over NYC in all kinds of transportation, and as I said, never once did I meet up with a grumpy, nasty, brusque, or unfriendly New Yorker. Even the taxi drivers were nice. No matter where I went - me, a white bread, down in Harlem, or the Village, or over in the Heights or anywhere else - everyone was just as nice as could be, from kids to oldsters & everyone in between, with a lovely graciousness that made Southern Hospitality seem pallid by comparison. And with 6 weeks, I figure I was there long enough to know. So yes, I LOVE NY - and New Yorkers. My ex-roomie just went up there with her 75-year-old mom for a week, and she reported the same reaction, people just as nice as pie no matter where she went. Where ever did NYers get their rep for surliness? It must be one of the biggest frauds ever perpetrated on (or possibly by) a city.

Nancy:

Well, I could just send her a copy of this piece--lol...with a note saying "how do you like THEM apples?"

I think the NYC rep is a byproduct of the very sorry state of the city back in the day, especially in the '70s when New York was not a place that any but the bravest tourists would have on their destination list. Since it was tough going then, I think the natives were probably more brusque just out of self-preservation. It really was like the wild west here until Mayor Guiliani and then Mayor Bloomberg came on board with their terrific police commissioners and really cracked down on crime. One of the things they did that was brilliant in my book was to make quality of life issues a priority--things like graffiti and window washers on the Bowery who intimidated people into giving them money for a service they didn't want. And if they asked for ID, they often could apprehend people who had a rap sheet by catching them on a more minor violation.

In the past decade or so, the city has become more and more tourist friendly. Times Square used to be a sleazy hell hole, and the parks were taken over by drug dealers. Now the parks have been cleaned up and 42nd Street is for the most part very safe.

The Bronx was also considered beyond the pale for decades, esp. the South Bronx, which is now experiencing a renaissance as well. Riverdale has always been more tony, and though I haven't made a trek there it's not too far away from BG's and I hear it's beautiful. I've been meaning to make an excursion to Wave Hill at the very least.

There's also a lot of New Yorkers who come from elsewhere, and to my mind some of the real native New Yorkers may be a bit more obnoxious--I'm not sure. But there's less and less of the old time New Yorkers, it seems.

It's really good to hear that you and your ex-roomie et al had such a positive experience!