When I am at a loss to explain this myself, I turn either to Bert or to my good sister, or to friends and other relatives. But the sister is the first choice: there is a binding social contract between sisters that results in something both disturbing and privileged: within the scrambled confines of e-mail inboxes and Sprint phone calls that aren't dropped lies a brute honesty from which no chiding or applause escapes. Those who have found such a mirror in a sibling, or elsewhere, will agree that it is nice to have.

But this double-edged sword, a well of help and hindrance, does not complete the task of, broadly speaking, becoming a better person. That lifelong pursuit requires endless outward-looking, and sibling- or friend-talk provides a rather skewed version of inward-looking. Arguably, therapy sessions do, too. 'Outward' defines itself, as life goes on, to be ever farther away than originally thought. Humans are only programmed to learn so quickly, which is why it is the youngest people who are so often accused of being self-obsessed, and to a point, they (we) get away with it.

Young models of society, such as the queen of product placement, Paris Hilton, are no help. While posing as "sisters" to the rest of us, their lifestyles are a sham, and their philanthropy, if it even exists, is, without competition, the most tiresome example of narcissism available on planet Earth. Philanthropy itself is a double-edged sword. If we're looking for people to stroke our egos, we had better stick to our blood relatives (to a degree,) or relinquish the need altogether. This is a point that Russell makes. Constant need for affirmation is a no-no.

Subjecting myself to some VH1 production or another, I saw a segment in which Paris Hilton braved the paparazzi to share an instance of herself being charitable towards a human. This human, a cancer survivor who also happened to be a teenage girl, was allegedly "dying" to spend time with Paris, who concurred that if one was to perhaps leave this world soon, what better way to roam the earth than along Melrose with Paris Hilton? This kind of farcical outing happens all the time amongst celebrities, but it's not every day that a lady with blue contact lenses, bleached eyebrows, false eyelashes, and pink cheetah-print dresses remarks of her cancer survivor companion and their outing:

"This makes me feel really good. I know she's having
an awesome time, but I swear I probably feel like, way better than she does."

Fancy that. Billionairess feels better than a cancer survivor after buying cancer survivor birthday dress. And it was so easy! Can you believe how simple it is to feel good? Rich people should do this more often.

The eye drop company Visine, in a new set of commercials, uses an apt slogan, "There's a Visine for that," demonstrating different scenarios in which the earth's elements can wreak havoc on your eyeballs. Similarly, I contend There's a Bertrand Russell quote for that. Paris Hilton is exhibiting a simple neurosis here: line-crossing. She has crossed the line. In fact, Paris undoubtedly crossed the line while she was in her mother's womb and has been running away from the line at a sprint since the moment she learned how to walk. She is a human being who, with some legitimate reason, has come to consider her voice louder than the average human's, her opinion more important, and her ego, more deserving of, and accessible to, attention. The flares have gone up. Paris Hilton is Bertrand Russell's nemesis, and she should be yours, too.