I'm Not a Ho, I Just Have Friends
Published March 26, 2006
It makes me furious when I hear nonsense like that. Mainly because I have heard it so many times.
I come from a long line of women, just like everybody else on the planet. But unlike many other families, the women on either side of my family are wonderful, strong creatures who've never heard the word impossible. Or rather, having heard it, have chosen to ignore it. When I say that one of them is a housewife, I don't mean that she 'ended up' as one; I mean she chose to be that. It doesn't matter what generation they belong to or which unheard-of village in the back of beyond they grew up in - no one who meets them once is ever in doubt that these are not women who bow down to anyone or anything, even their fate.
Now, my choices are not theirs. My path in life is an unconventional one by my family's doctor/banker standards and they would perhaps have liked to see me do something - safer. But they raised me to be like this. Whatever I am, they created me. They laid the world in front of me and let me go my path and told me that it was more than OK - it was brilliant.
And so when people come up to me and expect me to act the way my mother or grandmother might have acted in my place, I never know quite whether to pity them their lack of understanding or scream at them for seeing nothing more than a gender when they look at me.
I get calls in the middle of the night from boys. Not because I am a ho or because I am trying to carry on a clandestine affair, but because I have friends and I value them and they value me.
We live scattered over the globe and we are all young and busy people. We have begun to settle down and establish our own families. But we make the effort to keep in touch. Sometimes I will be sitting in my big chair at the bottom of my bed and it will be the middle of the night and I will shut down my laptop and pick up my phone and dial for London. Or Bombay. Or Dubai. Or Los Angeles. Or Bangalore. Or Sydney. And the person on the other end will mumble a hello.
"Hey dumdum, it's me," I'll say cheerfully. "I just felt like listening to your scratchy voice. Wassup?"
"It's fucking three in the morning here, dumbass," he or she will mutter in reply.
"So rise and shine, babe, rise and shine. It's a brand new day and we need to catch up."
- I'm Not a Ho, I Just Have Friends
- Published: March 26, 2006
- Type: Opinion
- Section: Culture
- Filed Under: Culture: Family and Relationships, Culture: Society, Culture: Travel
- Writer: Amrita Rajan
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- Amrita Rajan's personal site
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Comments on this articleComments
Great article - funny, but with a serious point, too. I'd say more, but sadly my post-breakfast brain doesn't get much better than this.
Excellent article Amrita.
Have you seen "When Harry Met Sally," with Billy Crystal?
It supports what I believe. Men and women can't be close friends out of wedlock. Let me rephrase; women can, but men can't. Men, when they are near or around females think about them sexually much of the time. Your guy friends, though they may respect you personally and professionally, still were attracted to you. Perhaps none of them ever made a pass, but that's because they respected you enough not to. That's probably due to you being a strong and intelligent woman.
@ Diane - thanks! I'll take it I left you speechless :)
@ nugget - who hasnt? and you might have a point although it leaves me feeling slightly icky thinking of some, and slightly flattered thinking of others. thanks for reading :)
I have seen "When Harry Met Sally" and I disagree with the premise of that movie and with nugget.
I have a close female friend who I have known for over 10 years, and there really isn't a subject we can't talk about but I really don't have much of a desire to sleep with her, for the simple reason that I don't find her very attractive. She feels quite the opposite, however.
Bottom line is, if the physical chemistry isn't there on both sides, it doesn't matter how strong or intelligent she is. Unless, of course, the man is one of those who is just interested in another notch on his bedpost, I suppose, but to say all men are like that is painting with way too broad a brush. I only think about women sexually if I'm attracted to them, and there are many, a vast majority really, that don't attract me, therefore I don't think about them that way.
hey steve - thanks for the comment. interestingly, to me it seemed to support the movie's and nugget's theory that men and women can;t ever have a relationship without it having brushed against sexuality at some point ("She feels quite the opposite, however. ")
where you and nugget seem to disagree is on the issue of men and how much sex on the brain do they really have.
Yes, my comment was directed more toward nugget, Amrita.
The movie at least, suggested consumation was inevitable, which is further than 'brushed against sexuality' as you put it.
i think nugget has brains, and the writter has memories.
Nice to know some things are universal, like parents. Almost fell out of my chair laughing over your comment that most of your friends who've met your father, hang up.
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That was really good. I'd say more, but my pre-breakfast brain isn't ready for substantial thought.