That made me feel a little old. I've never imagined needing a laxative before and I was a bit astonished that I might need one before my 65th birthday. But there I was, in the hick grocery story, buying Milk of Magnesia (which I never actually knew was a laxative until I went bargain hunting today).

However, I'd like to make this point clear: My laxative cherry still has not been popped. As soon as I got home from laxative shopping, I decided to give it a try the old-fashioned way. This time it worked. I was happy. That was that. I wasted five bucks, but it's nice to know the bottle is around as a security blanket.

ALL RIGHT. I'M DONE TALKING ABOUT POOPING.

I'm pretty sure that the weight loss is going to my head. I find myself giving out nutrition advice to anyone that will listen. Who would actually take nutrition advice from a 320-pound fatass like me? I know I wouldn't. But I am now scoffing at people who eat fast food (apparently I forget that I have eaten fast food on occasion in the last 75 days) and I go out of my way to tell people that fast food upsets my stomach. Yeah, people, listen to my annoying story! I know what's best for you! I have become something of a weight loss snob.

And the kicker is: I haven't even reached my goal yet. Let me lose 100 pounds and then, I think, I will be entitled to talk all the shit I want to the heart attacks waiting to happen. So I guess I'll try to wait until then.

Yeah, that's all I got for today.