"Who's Attacking Me Now" was the question that opened last evening's show. Apparently Blogcritic reader Baxter is not the only one to notice Stephens's ear problem, Commander Coconut from the Orlando Sentinel also commented on his ears sticking out to the side. It seems that this former army officer feels the need to keep his real identity private. What ever your reasons Commander, you're a coward.

It's been reported that the sleeping pill Ambien causes binge eating in the middle of night while the person is asleep. This led us to the last night's "The Word" which was Sweet Dreams. Now, I am going to have to disagree with Stephen thinking this is a good thing. Eating a lot and being able to sleep for a long period of time seems to be a bear-like activity. That's right - hibernation. It seems the company that has created this drug, like Coca-Cola, has fallen to bear influence and their plots to take over America. When we are asleep with our mouths full, we will be defenseless and unable to scream to warn others of the horror. You always have to remain watchful America.

In a new segment — "Better Know a Protectorate" — Stephen looks at the Virgin Islands. They have had all kinds of visitors - from Christopher Columbus to Black Beard (the pirate). Donna Christiansen, a Representative (if that's what you call it) from the Virgin Islands sat down with Mr. Colbert. It seems without being from a state, she is unable to cast a vote. So all she really is basically, is an extra for CSPAN, which often gives video from the House of Representatives. Also, she hates our children's bones, supporting an act that would give kids choices other than milk with their school lunches. Kids today don't get enough precious calcium as it is.

The guest last night was Frank Vincent from the HBO series The Sopranos. He was there mainly to push his new book A Guy's Guide to Being a Man's Man. Apparently, you can be a man's man by showering, not eating mayonnaise on meatballs, and waxing your back. Also it seems Bruce Willis, Donald Trump, and Hillary Clinton are manly men, while President George Bush is a girly boy. Now I would like to make it perfectly clear these are the feelings of Mr. Vincent and not mine.

Question for Stephen
What is you favorite cartoon shape in a vitamin?