It's not very well known, but there has been an unwritten protocol for behavior in a men's room. At least there always has been for me. However, it seems recently, in the workplace, all those walls of isolation that my father and my father's father's generation have begun to be torn down.

If I'm in the men's room at work, I'm there for one reason only. I don't care what kind of day you're having, how your family is or what you're doing this weekend. In fact, I don't want YOU to know the same things about ME. The bathroom is not the place.

Another thing is this: if there are empty stalls or standers in the men's room, DO NOT take the one that's right next to me. That is extremely rude... not to mention, creepy.

And another thing, this is a bathroom where people go to relieve themselves, it's NOT A PHONE BOOTH. I don't want to hear you talking to your girlfriend or wife about your plans for the next few hours or days! Sorry!

And please, if you have some sort of medical condition or you're just getting too damn old to take a pee in under 30 seconds, do it in a stall with the door SHUT, not a stander! I don't want to be reminded of my own mortality while watching you grunt and groan in discomfort for dear life while letting it dangle over the drain.

And finally, don't wait for me to come out. I'm purposely dragging my time until you're back at your desk to avoid any and all contact with you. If I hear anybody in another stall I WILL wait you out until you're gone. I just won't take my afternoon break, that's all. As a co-occupant of a men's room, I expect you to "go" in mid-flush, wipe while somebody else is flushing and not make any sounds of relief like you would in your own home with your wife and kids listening!!

And, most importantly, STAY OUT OF "MY" STALL!!