Oh lord. Stevie Wonder night. Wanna bet they butcher his catalogue?

Melissa McGhee'sblack dress was stunning. Obviously she's singing a ballad.

The show starts.

Ace Young, what the hell? sweetheart. I'm gonna need you to find the pitch. As soon as he said he was gonna sing "Do I Do" I knew he was fucked. First of all, if you're gonna sing a song like that, you at least need to stay in the right key. Second, you need to have charisma (see Mario Vazquez). Paula needs to get her ears and her blood checked. All that Valium's giving you delusions of grandeur sweetheart.

Kellie Pickler, what people love about you is that you're adorable and unpretentious. The dress, the hair, even the song, it was all a little too Celine Dion. The rendition of the song was sweet, but you were nervous out of your ass, and it was one of the most boring performances I've ever seen in the top 12. With that said, as Simon would say, she's going to "sail through" to next week. Let's not forget people, Carrie Underwood's performance of "When Will I Be Loved" in the first week of the Top 12 didn't get good comments from the judges either. Then she came back next week and sang "Alone."

Elliott Yamin, if you win, please use that million dollars to fix your teeth. I'm starting to feel like I'm watching someone sing in a subway station. With that said, it was a good performance, and the run at the end was great. He's got a beautiful, soulful voice. He's just gotta learn to color up the songs a bit more. Especially Stevie.

Mandisa's performing barefoot. I feel slightly uncomfortable. It might have something to do with the fact that the midriff of her body is the most odd shape I've ever seen in my life. Or the fact that this is the shittiest song choice she could have possibly made. A few good vocal runs, but we already know you can sing. The performance overall was effective at best. Hopefully we'll see better from you in later weeks.

Bucky Covington. First of all, your name's Bucky. That in itself is a reason not to vote for you. Someone remind me how the lead singer of Nickelback's inbred third cousin got on American Idol? Second, this guy singing Stevie Wonder's "Superstition" is like Hilary Duff playing Effie in Dreamgirls. Never again. Never ... again. Please go back to the spontaneous hole in the ground in Utah you crawled out of.