Sacrificing themselves to prove the motto "the rich get richer", Oscar nominees and presenters are soon to be the recipients of gift baskets designed to fulfill their every whim, including free trips, espresso machines, jewelry, and a day with boxer Joe Frazier. Well, maybe not all of them dream of that last one. I have my own list of whims I wish Oscar would fulfill for me ... but I'm not holding my breath.

Wish #1: "Supporting" versus "lead" consistency

I find it odd that Jake Gyllenhaal was nominated for supporting actor for Brokeback Mountain, when in a movie about a straight romance, either he or Heath Ledger would have been a contender as lead actress (well, not Gyllenhaal or Ledger, then, but you know what I mean). Sure, it gives them both a chance to win, but it's a little ludicrous that in the same category, you can have a co-lead as well as an actor who gets 10 minutes of screen time, like William Hurt in A History of Violence. But like the is-it-comedy-or-is-it-drama debate with the Emmys, there seems to be no good way to enforce consistency.

Wish #2: More X chromosomes

None of the five best picture nominees had a female lead at all (though you could argue the ensemble of Crash doesn't have any leads). The discussion about gender disparity in Hollywood isn't going away any time soon.

Wish #3: Respect the funny

The last thing we need is additional awards categories and the resulting additional ceremony length, but it's too bad that well-executed comedy very rarely gets recognition from the Academy, pitted against weighty themes like homophobia, racism, terrorism, and media responsibility. I'd rather replace the comedy-doesn't-get-its-due lament with the is-it-comedy-or-is-it-drama lament ...

Wish #4: The Golden Oscars/The Academy Globes

... so, I know it's not going to happen, but I'd like the Oscars and Golden Globes to marry and have an awards ceremony baby to replace them both. The Globes' DNA would provide a televised show of only the categories I care about, a culture of fun acceptance awards, and a separation of drama and comedy. The Oscar DNA would provide the prestige and not-laughable voting membership.

Wish #5: Decent ratings

Following the almost-inevitable low ratings of this year's awards show, some will point the finger at host Jon Stewart's niche appeal, forgetting the absence of a Lord of the Rings or Titanic blockbuster. He's a brave man, but I suspect he'll get comedy out of it either way.