Aww Chelsea I hurt just reading this. Just know that every single one of us reading has been there or will be & sometimes there's a teeny bit of comfort in numbers. Hugs.

I didn't know you were at Purdue. I'm just down the road in Indianapolis (I know you don't really care right now, but I'm making conversation to distract you from your understandable sadness). I've enjoyed your columns here and wish you well.

My advice is to throw yourself into as many worthwhile distractions as possible. Take advantage of being on a college campus with all its events and activities.

And listen to better music than Kelly Clarkson :->. Seek out some record store geek types and ask them for suggestions.

Sorry you feel sad, hope you get better.

As Scarlett said- Tomorrow is another day. Life goes on and you too will move on. Hang in there:)

Each loss in life is a little death, but the cool thing is that there is always renewal. Find comfort in other things you love: friends, chocolate, writing, and music.

It's easy to say and hard to do; I know. I've been there too many times to think differently, yet it always comes around, even if it takes a long, long time.

Hang in there, Chelsea!

The same can happen to a guy as well. I was heart broken for awhile, until I finally found someone who had taken away my hurt. When she came along, I just had to release my previous love from my heart and move on.

I hope that you will find another to replace your hurt. And if you do, grab onto him and don't let him go.

You say you miss him, yet, you don't state much about the facts as to why.

Did he leave you for another or because you nagged him to cut his long hair? Did you leave him because you wanted your own space? It sounds to me that both of you had a wonderful and beautiful relationship, yet, you broke up. Don't want to sound mean, but that just doesn't sound right. I'm surprised he hasn't tried to reconcile with you yet, to see if there was a chance to save the relationship.

I understand that you're hurting inside. But in order for me to fully understand the big picture, I'd like to know the facts before I give pity where it's due.

Call me a meanie, but that's just the way I am. Sorry...

Anyone who's a regular on BC can tell you who this is about, hawaiian_son. Everyone knows Chelsea Snyder and Matt Sussman are/were the First Couple of Blogcritics.

The First Couple of Blogcritics are Eric Olsen and Dawn Olsen, IMHO, although sweethearts are always popular

Let's just say this situation is a two-way street between Chelsea and me. The sentiments are echoed from this side of the fence. And when/if the time comes that life allows us to be together, we will. I miss her too.

Matt - Both of you state that you miss each other dearly, yet nothing is being done to reconcile the situation. Is the relationship that far from hope? What's up with that, dude? From what I've read, both of you really had something going for each other. What gave out?

If neither of you are planning to get back together, or at least try to, then move on with your lives, forget one another and the past. Move one foot in front of the other and keep going. You are only hurting each other if you keep walking backwards and nothing is done.

I may sound like an a**, but life is reality and not fantasy. Stop playing with each other's heart and giving false hope to one another. If you're gonna cut the ties, then do it. If you're gonna seek greener pastures elsewhere, then do it.

Both of you are adults, not children. Make something happen with this already. If not, then move on. I give no pity where none is deserved. Sorry.

hawaiian_son....i don't believe that 'pity' is what's warranted in this situation. sometimes relationships just end, for any number of reasons, whether it be amicably or not. there comes a point where two adults can agree that it's simply time to move on, even though they continue to carry feelings for each other.

it's my belief that Chelsea and Matt will certainly get over this, move on and most importantly LEARN from their shared experience. we are only outsiders looking in, and Chelsea has graciously allowed us a peak into her beautiful soul. we can't judge, we have no idea the details of her break-up, and it's not necessary for us to know either.

i wish both Chelsea and Matt all the best. break-ups are never pretty, but eventually, broken-hearts mend and often we are stronger for it.

It's usually against my personal policy to comment in my own threads, but hawaiian_son, Chantal Stone is absolutely correct. I did not write this as a "Dear Diary" -- I am too old to detail sad, pathetic breakups surrounded by broken hearts and CS+MS. I presented this as a writer, putting forth a work that I felt an audience could read, relate to, etc.

Both Matt and I have chosen to keep the details of this private, and continue to have a close personal and professional relationship. No pity is necessary because I never asked for it.

It's a work of literature -- albeit personal -- no more, no less. But thank you for the reminder that I'm an adult. I'll be sure to tell that to my landlord next time I pay rent.

Chelsea - Sorry if I seemed so crude, I just thought both you and Matt were hoping for reconciliation. My apologies.

And I wasn't trying to pry information out of both of you either. I just figured you both wanted to get back together. But as chantel said, sometimes relationships do end for the good of both parties involved.

It just saddened me to read that both of you had something wonderful to have it end so prematurely. But I can now see that because your love for each other is so great, that the separation must've been painful for both of you. Yes... in time, both of your hearts will heal and both of you will eventually move on with life. I hope that you will find what you seek, and when you do, hold it dear to your hearts.

Now if I can just get my size 11 out of my mouth... :P

Chelsea, whilst you're re-building your life, so to speak, maybe you should have another little think about your attitude to taking part in the comments that attach to your work.

Isn't it a little like some star blanking their adoring fans? And seriously missing at least part of the point about what distinguishes blogs in all their variety (from the shimmering fabulousness that is Blogcritics to the most intimate personal catblog on through dull business sites and the blogshops) from other types of media?

*borrows hawaiian_son's size 11s just in case*

Every line of this one hurt.

Christopher -- it's not a "snub", so to speak. I actively read the forums (and oftentimes flame wars) that revolve around my posts. I enjoy any feedback I get and I love seeing what people have to say. I guess it's sort of like one of my good friends who is in culinary school -- I make something, put it in front of you, and say, "Enjoy." Then I sit back and have a beer. (Actually, I really do that.)

I just never feel like I really have anything beneficial to add; naturally, I think what I write is the shit, so I'm only going to get defensive if someone stands up to it, and honestly, what good does that do? If clarifications are needed, I give them. Otherwise I just kind of open up the circus tent and enjoy the show from the wings.

I know what you mean, Chelsea, but I tend to agree with whoever it was that wrote

ONE of the distinguishing things about BlogCritics, something that makes it very different to old school mainstream media, is that we're all available, contactable and interactive.

We have some great writers and personalities here and it's great, thrilling actually, to see them actually interact, through the Comments, with the readers.

The articles posted on BC, although complete in themselves, are like the opening remarks in a conversation; sometimes formal, often irreverent, rarely dull.

Chris -

Let Chelsea alone. If she doesn't want to get she doesn't have to. It's her choice.

Chelsea -

I feel your loss. And I fear it. Not being sure what I want right now in my own life - feelings like the ones you described above are keeping me in a relationship that I think is on the wane. But maybe it's just me - he doesn't think there is anything wrong. He thinks we're fine. I'm afraid to leave and find out he was right.

Oh, children, behave.

Oi, A.L., I don't believe anything I wrote was particularly naggy and Chelsea can more than handle a little whippersnapper like me!

Strictly from the writers point of view...
If you write a piece that mostly elicits sympathy for the writer, then you have failed your task as a writer.

js

But JS, just for the sake of conversation, does one still fail as a writer if one's intention was NOT to elicit sympathy?

Damnit Christopher Rose, look what you have me doing. I was perfectly fine being aloof and NOW look what you made me do. ;)

Chelsea,
That's where craft comes in. First you have to know what your intent really is. I always have in mind the essence of what i'm trying to communicate. If I tell a story about myself I actually want the readers to find a revelation about themselves. Odds are you won't get to where you want to go if you don't know what or where it is. If you don't get that response you intended, then why? Where did it go astray? Read your work again with fresh eyes, keeping in mind what the responses were. Detach and be an editor. Try again, and again and again. I used to have an old Chinese T'ai Chi master in his eighties. As we left class all he would say in his broken English was, "Practice, practice." It took me ten damn years to write that book between practicing at writing and practicing at life.
js

Hey JS - I can kind of comprehend what you're saying. I'm somewhat of an amatuer poet myself, the stuff that I write relates to my job where most of my "inspiration" comes from.

Everytime I write stuff down, I have to refine them until it's where I want it to be. But when I look at the final draft, I'm always thinking what more could be done to make it even better. I'd like the reader to understand where I'm coming from, to kind of feel what I was feeling inside when it was penned.

I don't consider myself a great writer, just someone who enjoys putting stuff in ink. And if the reader doesn't like what's written, then that's okay with me. I don't let it get to me because sometimes the opinions helps me to do better.

Now if I can just find where the other side of my size eleven 11 went... :P

***********************************************

I never gave much thought,
nor cared about the pain
my actions have caused.
Never wanted to hear truth,
only listened with deafness,
my eyes blinded to reality.
My voice spoke false sentences,
my heart broken from lies stated.
Too late to change the past,
too late for feeling sorry,
too late for excuses...

I am alone.

just for kicks, here's another one! i welcome all comments:

There are a great many things,
I can fix.
Repairs to a car,
replacing an electrical outlet.
A broken faucet,
giving a wall
a new look.
But there was one thing
I was not able to fix,
and that was you.
I tried my best
to make you comfortable,
never succeeded.
Felt so helpless
watching you suffer.
Anything mechanical or electrical,
can be made good as new.
But the one thing I could not fix...
was you!

okay... i promise... last one:

If I should go before you,
let no tears fall.
Rejoice, be happy,
I am going home.

If I should go before you,
do not feel lonely.
Not with you in life,
in spirit I shall be.

If I should go before you,
let not time stand still.
Be headstrong, face the future
with determination.

If I should go before you,
have no fear,
I will be waiting.
Together again...
Loving Forever!

hs-
In writing what I did I was attempting to answer Chelsea's question because her goal is to be a writer. At the moment this is her forum as a writer. I don't think it's fair to sort of hijack this thread with your own work. Better to create your own post and ask for comment.
js

sorry... did not intend to 'hi-jack'. my bad...

sorry chelsea... brain was wound too tight. Nevah tink right. My apologies...

As what happens when the hands type faster before the brain can t'ink... :P

John Spivey --

But is it possible for writers to write for themselves AND their audience? Or is our role as writers purely selfless and a public service? As a former journalism student (I sold out and switched to PR, I like having job security), I think it goes without saying that journalism SHOULD be a public service, but blogging is a whole new beast entirely. Do the rules change? Is there a line between self-serving and audience-serving, and if so, how do we know when we cross it? And is it necessarily a bad thing when we do?

(And h_s, don't worry about it. I'm honestly too hung over to care.)

thanks for setting me straight js...

think i'll go put that size 11 back in my mouth...

"I was attempting to answer Chelsea's question because her goal is to be a writer."

She's already achieved that goal -- Chelsea *is* a writer.

tch... tch... shame, shame hs! maybe you should try read what's happening and pay close attention!

wanna borrow my size 12's?

Thank you Ms. Chelsea. I have to learn to pay attention in the future. You are indeed... a great writer. ;)

trooper - Thanks for the offer, but I think I can manage with my 11s, since I got both of them in my mouth now. :P

I don't really understand why writing a piece that elicits sympathy for a writer means you've failed as a writer?!? I honestly don't get it!

a few comments:

1) Nothing like reading the profound tragic lessons learned by a 21 yr. old who just lost her first boyfriend. Oy. Fucking. Vey.

2) This piece epitomizes what is worst about blogs.

3) My advice: get a pet, a dildo, or a "Dear Diary" journal.

xxoo
S

re #38. do you ever have anything good to say about ANYTHING?

Ah, Shark, always the life of the party, so glad to see you again. A little shocked to see you so bitter. Knowing how much you despise Sussman, I would've thought you'd throw a party or something at the prospect of his unhappiness.

But good to see you nonetheless.

Is this really the quality of stuff Blogcritics puts out? Sounds like every blog I read about some tragic end to a relationship. Boo Hoo.

With the wide range of objectively-declared "bullshit" on Blogcritics, can't a girl have one slightly emo-filled post once in a while? Yeesh. Go read the politics tab or something.

Yes Shark and Blah, we get it: you're proud to be a couple of hateful pricks with nothing better to do in your empty little lives than come be shitty with the breakup girl.

[Deleted "as it is not in keeping with the spirit of brotherly love we wish to foster".]

Alright Chelsea, what was it you were trying to elicit with this piece? There is a certain deadly feature to writing about relationships where a whole bunch of folks can relate to the other side, and the other guy is reading.

IMHO, this ought to have been posted on another weblog which Matt doesn't frequent, and where it was not known that you and Matt had been a number.

Then, you could legitimately argue that it is literature, or a pice of writing or whatever. Unfortunately, HERE, your motives become suspect.
The value of weblog sites such as this is its potential intimacy - AND its distance. One feature shorn of the other is a recipe for very nasty comments going back and forth for no good reason. See the comments above for the proof.

In fairness to Chelsea and Matt, both of them have been civil in their comments here. The nastiness has come from others.

I don't see what your complaint is here, Ruvy. It's not like she's carrying on about her ex is a fink or something. Airing your dirty laundry would perhaps lack class, but what terrible motives are you getting out of "I miss him"?

"can't a girl have one slightly emo-filled post once in a while?"

Not anymore. The site now focuses on the critic over the blog.

It's too bad you are hurting, but this isn't literature. there's no story. It's just about you and what you're going through. I know nothing about you or the narrator through this piece other than you miss him and all the cute things you used to do. I don't know why you broke up. I don't know if you were right for breaking up. I just know at this moment you are hurtng.

There's potential, but it's just an outline that needs to be filled in for someone else to identify with it. It could be a very character study, but without any details it does read like a journal entry.

I agree with Ruvy that it seems like you were doing this so Matt would see it, so that's why people wonder what's the point?

Your reactions come across like you don't care what people think, but if you wrote it for yourself and not others than again the motives are suspect.

Until comment #8, I had no complaint at all. Just an emo-piece posted by a young woman in pain over an unnamed guy. No prob.

When you start dragging out identities, even though both parties have been civil here, you you get problems. Even Mary Reborn Literally, who inhabited your piece about Portuguese kids seeing the Vigin in 1917, who exposed herself in every which way possible without actually stripping off her clothes, was not exposing herself this way. This is real - and it hurts because both parties are present and able to witness the back and forth.

Maybe, I'm terribly old fashioned, but to set this piece forth as "writing" on a site where the other parties know this is not wise.

Ahhh... isn't this world wonderful? A planet where all people are free to express what they wish, whether written or verbal, and to criticize others, to a certain degree.

So lemme just say to all others who think they can do better than what Chelsea has written, why don't you put your words where your mouth is, and let others see what you can do? If you think you can do better!

Wow, you're all just so adorable.

Oh, and read Victor Plenty in comment No. 45 on your way out. kthxbye

The blogosphere has convinced just about everyone that they are celebrities and that you can create your own tabloid fodder by posting your private life on-line.

the great thing about BC though, is that there is something here for everyone. so you don't like a personally written piece? fine, move on to something else.

Another great thing: you can get feedback both from people who enjoy watching your emotional wankery, and those who think your talents might best be used elsewhere.

Chantal, there is something to the whole "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." On the other hand, the site is Blogcritics.org. These are discussion boards. People will not always post glowing expressions of adoration and appreciation. When you put yourself out there you run the risk people will respond unfavorably. Seems to me this post is generating positive and negative feedback. On that level it has to be considered something of a success.

Some of the comments (both positive and not so positive) raised some interesting points worth considering.

I agree, DJR. This post earns its worth for yielding the amusing thread of comments that reads like a Blogcritics Greatest Hits.

It has such BC classics as:
• Claims of what 'belongs' on this site
• Potshots of what writing 'is' and 'isn't'
• Shark leaving hugs and kisses
• Barger calling someone a prick

All this post needs now is an 'Excelsior!', a 'Bush fucked up in Iraq', and a 'B5 is sooooooo sexy', and it has earned its place among the archives. :)

Mark Sahm pwn3's the thread. Winner: Mark Sahm.

I am done. I can't top that.

Let us not forget as an added bonus Al encouraged someone to: just go out behind the barn, blow your sad little brains out and put us out of your misery.

Coming up next: What kind of music is good.

Suss, there is an answer to that question. I have it.

In good humor: ALKA-SELTZIOR!!!!

I couldn't help myself.

Is this really the quality of stuff Blogcritics puts out? Sounds like every blog I read about some tragic end to a relationship. Boo Hoo.

Blah, the strength of Blogcritics is in its diversity. It can offer everything from an emotional musing like this to a good media review to some damned fine mature social and political commentary. You may find this particular piece trivial and immature, but it's well written and I'll bet you real money that there are people out there who identify with Chelsea, are touched by it and might even benefit from it in some way.

So, it has value, which is more than I can say for certain of the comments.

Dave

So, it has value, which is more than I can say for certain of the comments.

Dave Nalle, are you saying that my Alka Seltzior didn't have value? You laughed. Admit it. ;)

Chelsea, the beauty of Dave's comment is that it could be directed at anyone... at which time Dave is prepared to bludgeon you with sharp serifed fonts if you dare engage him in debate. :o)

Nalle, you know I'm just playing, right? Right? *wipes forehead*

Well then, I'll just cash in on my persecution complex and assume it was directed at me. ;)

This little fish in a big pond learned a long time ago not to engage in debate with Nalle unless you're prepared to lose a limb. ('Tis a flesh wound...)

Chelsea, it wasn't directed at you unless you'd like it to be. I was just trying to be nice by not singling out those whose comments were less than charitable or useful.

Dave

BTW, are you aware that you look an awful lot like Laura Dern?

Dave

Never been told that, Nalle. I've heard Kirsten Dunst maybe once or twice.

The picture may not show it, but Chelsea looks like that Carolina Panthers cheerleader who had sex with her "teammate" in the bathroom. The blond one.

Watch what you say, Chelsea, or Duke de Mondo will be over here panting at you in Gaelic.

Dave

Did the porn addiction cause problems in the relationship? and that's jenna jameson in the video not a real panthers cheerleader.

I think Chelsea looks like Kathryn Hahn from Crossing Jordan.

Whoever she looks like Chelsea is pretty damn hot! Chelsea I will be your friend!

careful, Syrus. She'll just end up dumping you for no apparent reason and then write about it here.

I miss him too. I don't think he knows I do. I was being hunted, as in pursued and couldn't figure out why or what was going on. I had forgotten what it was like to be pursued. I had the gut feeling, but doubted. I loved the feeling I got from him. I was on cloud nine, still am. I still get that feeling. I couldn't handle it anymore, so I approached him and asked him if he was feeling the same way I was? It took him awhile, but after a sigh, he said he wasn't and that he is sorry he gave me that impression. I said, ok and hung up the phone. We didn't speak for two weeks. Then he called me on the phone and asked if he could bring me something work related. On all days, he choose to do this on his birthday.

Since then we have been talking, but I have been trying to keep it work related. I still see the rubbing of the face, the glances and stares. Recently, he was very sick. I made him chicken soup, which he ate for three days in a row. He really appreciated the chicken soup. I think he knows I like him. I can't stare him in the eyes for too long. I get nervous when I am around him. And of course, I work with him, not alot. Just here and there. He sends the checks out to me. My income. I hate that. He went out of town a couple of times. I missed him then and missed him again. But I am trying to let time take its course. After all I am in the process of getting a divorce and trying to live independently from everything/body. The last two times he left, I wished him a safe trip. I think I need to leave this alone and appreciate his presence in my life. Sad that I have this great feeling I would like to see through, but don't have the courage for fear that I would be rejected. I still think he likes me, but he's separated mind and body and is behaving in a calculate manner and being very cautious.

Thank you for this, I have just read this and its made me feelfive million times better to know that I'm not alone in this feeling.

I know that you are sad, but Im glad you know that you willbe fine, and this helped me realise this for myself,
Thanks again and good luck

ive felt your sadness.

bt i dnt understand. why do actually have to let him go? why fo u have be strong and independant even if trusting him wld be so hard for you? i ddnt let mine slip from my fingers.

good luck with filling that void and good luck in... well just luck in general.

I stumbled upon your blog in self-pitty. My first love crushed me eight months ago and I'm still fighting the heartbreak (rediculous I know).
Your words spoke directly to my heart. Thank you for sharing your talent as a write and I wish you the best of luck.

I read your words and I could have written them myself. What can I say, I lost my best friend, my lover 6 weeks ago, I know he still loves me but circumstances keep us apart.
Those silly things I want to share, the cuddles, the laughter, the void, that dam emptiness and longing that burns in to my soul with every breath, every beat of my heart.