Hi Elsa,

I got tired of being told I was "grumpy" by my family ... so I looked deep inside myself to see what was going on. I finally came to the realization that I've been trying to live in a messy home, and it's taking a huge toll on my stress and happiness level.

It all sounds so stupid when I put it on paper: I like a clean and organized home.

It's good for my soul! I am far from overly compulsive about it, but I hate things to be left lying around. Dishes left in the sink, clothes on the floor, numerous undone projects I have to look at every day ... I find that when I come home, I cannot sit and relax while this crap is all around me. I have to pick up first before I can even sit down and unwind from the day.

I want my home to be my sanctuary, to rejuvenate me - and it's not, it's draining me. I'm tired of telling my 21 year-old daughter and my husband what I expect. They both know it by now, but it's not important to them. Yet they will both make comments about me being crabby and grumpy.

I finally realized my crabby-grumpies are brought on by this situation. And to think, all along I've thought it was some chemical imbalance or stupid fault in me. This seems like a dumb reason to want to kick out my daughter and divorce my husband. But then I sit and think how great and nurturing and wonderful it would be to have my home back again clean and easy to find things in, and space and time alone.

I wonder if I should just try six more years of learning to compromise. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

Disturbed by Dirt

Dear Disturbed,

No, I don't think you're making a mountain out of a molehill. But on the other hand, yes I do.

It's obvious you don't want to live in chaos. You have a Capricorn Moon (home) and want a controlled environment. You want some dammed ORDER. You need some order and I think you're entitled to some.

However, you are living with two other adults and they have rights as well. Bottom line, you share a home. And you're not a dictator. Are you? If not, then compromise is what is called for - because you will never get these two to care the way you do about cleaning up and putting away. Ever.

So yeah. You can move, or you can find a less drastic solution. I would suggest you try the latter first. How big is your house? Can you declare a room YOURS and keep it clear? That would be a start. Create a sanctuary and keep the pigs out!!

If this is not possible, you get my drift. Trying to control these two... well, trying to control anyone is a tendency of Capricorn. It's almost always fruitless. You are not going to be able to make these people see things the way you do. It's your responsibility to figure out how you're going to (or not going to) live amongst them.

Good luck.
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