Diary of an Achievement Point-Addicted Xbox 360 Gamer
Published January 30, 2006
Dec. 13th: Finally tracked down an Xbox 360. $400 and a single game later, I'm happy. While playing NHL 2K6, I earn my first "Achievement Point." Turns out by performing certain tasks in the game, I earn points for my Xbox 360 profile.
Dec. 14th: While the previous days experience was unique, I continue playing NHL 2K6 as I wait for some rented games to arrive. I earn two more of these "Achievements." Per my investigation into this matter, I discover these points do not serve a purpose. They simply show up when you view your profile. You can't do anything with them.
Dec. 15th: King Kong arrives from the rental place. After beating each level, I earn 100 points towards my profile. I immediately call a friend to boast. Then I learn the grim news:
"Dude, I have 3,560 points. I beat Perfect Dark SIX times, I've played for 74 hours, and I have 10,000 headshots online."
Damn it. I tried to lie my way out it by saying I had 3,561 points, but that didn't go over. He's a smart one, and I'm not a good liar. There's only one solution - find a new friend or buy more games.
Dec. 16th: I walk into a game store. I look around for a few minutes and kidnap a customer. After quieting him down (he was a screamer) and removing the garbage bag from his head, I show him my profile page proudly showcasing my 1,050 points. He responds:
"That's all? You kidnapped me to show me a measly 1,000 points? I've played Condemned for 135 hours. I have more than that just from the demo at the store. You suck"
So, there's my new goal. I need to get Condemned and steal the kiosk from the store on George's recommendation. I think his name was George. Could have been Earl. Then again, that's not the important thing here.
Dec. 17th: Got Condemned. I almost had the kiosk too, but my screwdriver wouldn't undo the bolts on the floor. It's hard to do that while avoiding the nightstick of a cop at the same time. Anyway, the hours upon hours of grisly violence have potentially turned me into a stark raving mad lunatic, but I've got points. Many, many points. I call up friend #1 (George/Earl's restraining order prevented me from calling him again) to compare sizes... err, scores. His was still bigger.
Matt Paprocki is the former reviews editor for Digital Press. The deep game collection, which spans nearly 30 systems and 2,000 games, lines his walls for research purposes. Matt strives to bring credibility to video game journalism, and to aid the industry in becoming respected with all forms of entertainment media. He currently freelances for GameArgus.com and MultiPlayerGames.com.
- Diary of an Achievement Point-Addicted Xbox 360 Gamer
- Published: January 30, 2006
- Type: Satire
- Section: Gaming
- Filed Under: Gaming: Xbox
- Writer: Matt Paprocki
- Matt Paprocki's BC Writer page
- Matt Paprocki's personal site
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Comments on this articleComments
The addictive power of arbitrary point systems has been demonstrated time and time again. A few years back I tried to harness this power for the good of some friends of mine who were struggling to keep a small business afloat. One of the owners looked over the intricate system of intangible rewards I had designed to help him keep his customers hooked, then said to me (a direct quote here): "This isn't going to do anything."
Less than six months later, that business folded.
I also know your pain, it was just the other day that I fixed a problem at work only to be told "err what are Achievement points, it is not in your contract" I loved it
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