It's late o'clock in the morning; you're eating Cheetos and wiping them on your exposed belly that protrudes over your boxer shorts. If it's a Saturday you just got out of bed and you haven't showered in 42 hours and you don't plan on showering until Monday. If it's a weeknight, you'll probably fall asleep in this position while you hold the phone in your hand wondering whether to finally order Girls Gone Wild.You will inevitably dream that you did.

This is the life of the white American male, who spends his waking hours lost in the greasy oblivion of the couch and gazing into his pale reflection and longing for the days of glory. Dreaming of a time when white men, again, will rule the earth, when daily decisions will involve invading country number one or number two instead of Doritos versus Cheetos and when the Micheal Moorian physique will be a status symbol instead of a Dateline special. Well, friends, fathers, brothers, husbands, that time is still a long way off, but until then I give you Jim Gaffigan's live comedy DVD Beyond the Pale.

The DVD features Jim in a live performance filmed at the historic Vic Theater in Chicago. Though the DVD also boasts of several dallying bonus features, none are worth mentioning except for "Eat Dinner with Jim" and "Jim's First Stand-up Performance." "Eat Dinner with Jim" shows Gaffigan eating a Hot Pocket and making awkward conversation with you, the viewer. "Jim's First Stand-up Performance" is beautifully raw, awkward and hilarious giving the viewer a peek into the many faceted Jim Gaffigan and how he has evolved over the years.

The real gem, however, is the full 70 minutes of live stand-up, which will air on Comedy Central on January 29. While some comedians run and scream around the stage to hold your attention, Gaffigan shuffles and interrupts himself with a still, small voice, his invisible foil. And yet, his shuffle is spellbinding and hilarious. With the perfect mixture of self-effacement and just plain old weirdo-ness, Gaffigan will quick have your potbelly, beer gut jiggling so hard your Cheetos will fall off the couch. His act centers mostly on food and its various forms ("Steak is the tuxedo of meat...and boloney is the retarded cousin.") He also revisits the "Hot Pocket" routine, mixing some of the old jokes ("diarrhea pocket") with new insights.