The Official White Stripes Nation Enemies List: Up Against the Wall, Mariah Carey!
Published January 05, 2006
Worst of all, they don't sound like they're even really enjoying their determined whoring. Does this sound like fun, or does it sound like them and their hoes are punching the clock? "you tha worker and I'm tha boss/ grab your pink slip girl, let me lay you off"
Their rehabilitation must begin with learning some manners and respect for young ladies. Start with some classes at the Smokey Robinson School for Young Gentlemen.
Gwen Stefani
DJR: Garbage in, garbage out.
She combined hip hop, reggae, pop, and marching band pep rallies
(atrocious forms of music, all) and came up with something worse:
Love. Angel. Music. Baby. It is bad enough when the youth fill
their songs with vapid lyrics describing shallow, high school emotions.
When you are a 36-year old mother-to-be, it is embarrassing. It is
criminal. It will not escape The People's Judgment.
Gwen's age works against her. She might be past the point of re-education. She will be sentenced to life in Camp Mimi without the possibility of parole or another recording contract (this includes cameos). Her child will be banished to a musicless facility in Greenland in the hopes of preventing a repeat of the sins of her mother (and father).
Korn
GA: These idiots get to represent for a whole range of idiot concept bands with merely loud guitars and loads of schtick, or shit, as we might call it down on the farm. These fools wouldn't know what a "tune" was if it bit them in the ass.
They think they're Alice Cooper- another Detroit native like our Dear Leader. Difference is, Alice took the time and attention to songcraft to compose "Schools Out" and "Only Women Bleed." He had actual SONGS at the core of his act.
Frankly, their crap is too boring for me to even care to dream up an arcane punishment. Just be banished from the kingdom. And when you're gone, you stay gone, or you be gone. You've lost all your LA privileges.
Shania Twain
GA: There may be no higher offense against any decent idea of Geometry and Theology than modern commercial country music. This crap ain't country or any reflection of the culture of Jimmie Rodgers or Johnny Cash, and it barely qualifies as music. Basically, modern country music is 20 year old pop music with all the black carefully removed. Yucky bland suburban white bread. YUCK.
Even among the bland whitebread, Shania Twain merits special derision. This emotionless commercial drivel is especially heinous in the presumption that all you got to do to be good country music is slap a little fiddle onto your third tier Def Leppard album for the US release, and voila! Country music.
![Sly & the Family Stone - Greatest Hits [Epic]](http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51UdCeVF3WL._SY90_.jpg "Sly & the Family Stone - Greatest Hits [Epic]")
- The Official White Stripes Nation Enemies List: Up Against the Wall, Mariah Carey!
- Published: January 05, 2006
- Type: Opinion
- Section: Music
- Part of a feature: White Stripes Nation
- Writer: monkey2man
- monkey2man's BC Writer page
- monkey2man's personal site
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Come on now...no scarves on mic stands? What's Tyler gonna do now??? I know he doesn't hide pills in them anymore...but he still ties them aroundthe stand...
Hilarious!
We the people will strike back against the false gods of Totally Weak Songs and their evil minions.
Fun, freedom and the 21st Century will effortlessly combine to loosen the starched shirts and skirts of the fraudulent state and allow the people to rise up out of the valley of darkness and into the golden sunlight of hope. Or something.
Now where's that lameass album you made me promise to listen to?
Even those who have yet to endorse The Revolution have to admit the world will be a better place once The Enemies have been dealt with.
i'd have more to say but i'm currently listening to a Shania Twain cd.
White Stripes are marginal at best. If you two were 14 years old this type of "writing" might be expected, but you're not. It was a funny bit back when you posted your first article. It is tired now. Please stop.
I'm purifyin' both our souls, Saleski. Santa arrived a bit late today in the form of bringing me my last Christmas present of 2005: my Chuck Berry Chess Box Set arrived today and it's restoring the soul.
Repent, sinner Saleski that ye might be forgiven.
At least you didn't tell me you were listening to Mariah. That counts. For something.
don't like cookie cutter "r & b".
though apparently i can take a little cookie cutter "country".
oh well.
Would that then make White Stripes cookie-cutter alternative rock, Saleski? :)
Listen to Get Behind Me Satan and identify the cutter that cut that cookie. I don't think so.
heh. nah, of course not.
hell, "alternative rock" is a sorta meaningless term anyway.
i'll have more to say after i'm done listening to Love. Angel. Music. Baby.
I agree "alternative rock" is a meaningless term.
Damnation, Saleski! I even gave you a Christmas present this year. =)
Sorry DJR, I took one listen to GBMS, totally dug "Blue Orchid" but couldn't care for the rest. I loved Elephant but GBMS didn't follow up well for me. I consider it a chocolate chip cookie with just one chip.
i should post: 10 cd's that i own and should be embarrased about but i'm not because i don't give a hooey about indie cred.
Sahm, I agree that Elephant is a better album. I was just making the point that GBMS is far from a cookie cutter album. TWS and Fiona Apple used sounds and song structures that just do not appear in popular music these days. I think Jack took an adventurous path rather than re-making Elephant or White Blood Cells and I think he made a really good album.
As to Mark... hey, we all have so-called "Guilty Pleasures." I don't care about indie cred. I just... well... there is some stuff out there I think is rubbish is all. But that would be a fun "FML" column.
Mr Saleski: If you're digging on L.A.M.B., you are one of the groovy fuckers round here! Any chance you'll help me free the people from the false prophets of the Wasp Streaks Nerds White Stripes Nation?
dunno...i have to admit that i'm a little ascared of the general.
he's got "that look" in his eye.
i used to feel the same way about the DJ, until i found out he dropped his own freaking ipod in a poo-filled toilet.
no longer scary.
Don't worry about the Generalissimo, Mark, it's that magnificent monkeygirl I'm scared of! And the DJ dude is still scary too, pimped up pooped up ipod or not!
As for the lazily titled TWS album, I haven't received my copy yet but, based on the little I've heard of it, I'd imagine their cookie cutter was based upon the lyrical insight of Crosby Stills and Nash' "Our House" overlaid on some music found left in the washroom by the guys who failed the auditions for Captain Beefheart's Magic Band. Now there's one of the true greats of American culture!
Alrighty Alienboy. Playtime's over. We'll have none of your deviated preversions in White Stripes Nation. Gwen Stefani? Are you out yo damned mind?
However, playing with even marginal associates of Cap'n Beefheart's illustrious Magic Band might be worthwhile. Though I'm sure that YOU would say that Captain Beefheart is no Gwen Stefani. Pervert.
Mr Saleski, re: "indie cred" Yup, ya got me. I'm picking out what music to tout based on what the cool guys on campus are listening to. That's why I used Amazon listings for Elton John, the Coasters and Alice Cooper.
Respect my authorita!
woa there generalissimo, nobody's accuisin' you of having any truck with indie cred.
though the concept is kinda funny.
Just how do Korn think they're Alice Cooper?!?!? What easy targets you list here. Why no Backstreet Boys or Limp Bizkit? Saving them for your Blind Willy McTell Enemy list? Oh dear, and you forgot Nickelback and Wham also! What a dumb comparison! Don't bother responding because I am done reading this crap thread forever!
Bricklayer, I will certainly grant that Limp Bizkit and absolutely Nickelback belong on any proper enemies list. That was an unfortunate oversight by the management. Apologies.
I cannot believe I forgot Nickelcrap. Those fuckers belong in Camp Mimi for sure.
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Idiotic straw-man posturing. The WS are as corporate as any of these predictable "enemies." JW wears makeup, refuses blurbs, hangs with some super-model - he's as glossy as Frampton. You can't be "outsider" and ubiquitous at the same time. Maybe Neil Hamburger should be your hero.