Talking and Listening-- The Art of Conversation by Benedetta Craveri, translated from the Italian by Teresa Waugh
Published December 22, 2005
There was a time when formal conversation was a highly respected and desirable art. For the rich upper class with nothing better to do than entertain themselves with their own exclusive company, being interesting, inoffensive and, if you can manage it, witty, seemed just about the epitome of human grace.
The period of the salon it was, an era described in The Age of Conversation by Benedetta Craveri, translated from the Italian by Teresa Waugh. My heart squeezes with envy at the thought of those drawing rooms. There is a reason they called that time the age of enlightenment. Conversation is one of the very best ways to learn anything--the best way to be exposed to new ideas and perspectives.
America was born during the enlightenment. Interestingly, the age of conversation and enlightenment was a thing that suggested its own demise. America's crazy ideas spelled the end of the upper class. The concept of a class who did not need to produce anything but conversation was rejected by the conversations that ensued.
America had work to do. America, and everywhere, had projects to start and research to do and the world to change. They did not have time to merely sit and converse. That has continued forward to this day.
But that didn't mean the conversations had become unnecessary. Humans need to talk. They need to clear their psychic buffers and build on half conceived ideas. I think it might be nearly as essential as sleep.
It might be time to take a page from those salons again. Craveri writes "talent for listening was more appreciated than one for speaking. Exquisite courtesy restrained vehemence and prevented quarrels."
I, for one, would like to prevent quarrels. World peace would be a little closer, if we take this idea as true, if listening could have that effect.
There are two people who have been working on this exact issue. I don't know if they have read Craveri's book, but Bill and Liz have taken a chunk of their lives to bike around the U.S. and wear a sign that says:
- Talking and Listening-- The Art of Conversation by Benedetta Craveri, translated from the Italian by Teresa Waugh
- Published: December 22, 2005
- Type: Opinion
- Section: Culture
- Writer: Murphy
- Murphy's BC Writer page
- Murphy's personal site
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I think one of the problems with modern conversation is that so many people see rebuttal as the highest form of conversation, when actually it is just showing off and even insulting. Also, people seem to have basic ideas that come not from thinking and pondering but are adaptions of others ideas. Most of us don't really sit down and ponder an issue and figure out an articulate stand.
My parents were taciturn and didn't converse. And I was the same until I discovered girls, especially at college, and plunged into orgies of mutual self-confession and intellectual exploration. But the strains of marriage seem to drive people into secretiveness as The Wed Combatants jockey for advantage and ideas become meat for refutation and condescension.
Often the easiest person to converse with is an utter stranger. As I recall, Freud wrote about this phenomena "strangers on a train", and, of course, Hitchcock made a fine movie about how this can go wrong. But it seems that since one never expects to see the stranger again it is non-dangerous to be open and converse freely, as one might with oneself.
The internet is the modern version of conversation, with blogs, forums,BBSs, etc. And it has the advantage of allowing one to finish a thought without interruption. Then, as a reader one has the option of simply skipping over posts that are tedious or boring. How nice.