Everything I Need To Know About Men And Women, I Learned From The Hit Songs Of 2005
Published December 20, 2005
Do not let this woman borrow your car
2005 was a watershed year with regard to how pop lyrics have enlightened us about the differences between men and women. Here below are my highlights.
TOP 10 THINGS I LEARNED ABOUT MEN AND WOMEN FROM SONGS OF 2005
- When a man kisses a woman multiple times, he is actually in love with the food on her lips. (Fiona Apple, "Parting Gift")
- A man should not trust a psychic who tells him that "the one" for him has a posterior similar to Serena Williams because this woman will eventually require him to pay for an evening at Showbiz Pizza for her four children, one of whom was fathered by Busta Rhymes, and possibly another by Usher Raymond. (Kanye West, "Gold Digger")
- A woman will take off her pantyhose if the DJ plays Bon Jovi(Joe Nichols, "Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off")
- If a man consistently stays hard, women will refer to him as 'Jolly Rancher.'(D4L, "Laffy Taffy")
- Women count on Jesus to take the wheel. (Carrie Underwood, "Jesus, Take The Wheel")
- Conversation and Hennessy can help a man get more ass than a toilet seat. (Nate Dogg, "Shake That")
- A woman is ready to attack another woman once the pom-poms have been placed on the ground.(Gwen Stefani, "Hollaback Girl")
- If a woman climbs on top of a man and rides him as if she were in the rodeo, he will make a sound that she has never before heard. (50 Cent, "Candy Shop")
- Women beg to pull down their underwear once they see a man working his jelly. (Mike Jones, "Back Then")
- It is possible for a man on drugs to share a long-lasting moment with a beautiful woman on a subway, even if she is with another man. (James Blunt, "You're Beautiful")
- Everything I Need To Know About Men And Women, I Learned From The Hit Songs Of 2005
- Published: December 20, 2005
- Type: Opinion
- Section: Music
- Filed Under: Music: Pop, Music: Hip-hop, Music: Country and Americana, Music: Alternative Rock, Culture: Humor and Satire, Culture: Arts
- Writer: Junichi Semitsu
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Comments on this articleComments
I fucking love this post too.
Hilarious stuff, Junichi.
You are a genius, my friend. I wasn't so sure about your other post, but this one was gold, Jerry, gold!
And the lyrics aren't crass, they're funny. You old fogeys need a sense of humor. If you picked any year during the 1980s or late 1990s, the "What Did I Learn?" quotes would be just as bad.
That is all.
Don't get me wrong; many of these ones are funny. Sometimes even brilliant. But still crass.
I agree a "What I Learned From The 90's/80's/70's/60's/50's/ and even 40's" series could be just as bad. (Series, Junichi?)
But women as lyrical matter have really been brought down a few pegs in recent years; I don't quite get why the chicks put up with it. These aren't the bad ones, and they're about men too. But sometimes I really think we're regressing.
Didn't mean to sound ornery and cranky though. From the time stamp of my comment, I can tell I shouldn't have been operating heavy machinery, like a computer.
This is funny. Good post.
It was even funnier the way I read it.
I read this:
"It is possible for a man on drugs to share a long-lasting moment with a beautiful woman on a subway, even if she is with another man. (James Blunt, "You're Beautiful")"
as
"It is possible for a man on drugs to share a long-lasting moment with a beautiful woman on a subway, even if she is a man."
Speed reading - it's faster but funnier
Add your comment, speak your mind
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Brilliant post. This insidous trend has been creeping along since 1999, and it is just about reaching critical mass now.
Commercial pop music has never in its long illustrious career been as crass as it has become.
And it ain't fogey-speak; women haven't had their reputations dragged through as much mud ever as they do now. People are buying it.