Generalissimo Alberto: Yahweh did not ban Satan lightly. He loved Lucifer. Lucifer was beautiful. But he was wicked and had to be banished from His presence. The devil was cast into hell with his fallen angels.

The Revolutionary Counsel freely admits that Mariah Carey is hot. Granted. She looks good. I will admit that her vocal instrument intrigues me.

LegendaryMonkey: You've got to be kidding me. I'm not even hearing this. Mariah Carey? She looks like My First Hooker Barbie.

GA: Hush up now, woman. We're trying to play nice.

Nonetheless, come the revolution, Mariah Carey must be put to the lash, and banished from the realm.

LM: You're damned right she will!

GA: We'll be re-opening the former Abu Ghraib complex, under new and - of course - improved, White Stripes Nation management. We might bring John Ashcroft back to run the thing.

Thus, it's convenient to call our death camp of tolerance "Camp Mimi" because her lambs are a bunch of sheep to the slaughter who will voluntarily herd into a place so named.

LM: If she's there, I'm in favor of calling it, "Shut your stupid mouth and disappear, please."

GA: Now, womanchild, we need a kinder and gentler machine gun hand. If we "disappeared" her, that'd just cause Sting to write a song about her — and at this point I'd just about as soon hear her as him. I'm just saying, you don't want that, do you?

LM: Mariah Carey is the worst example of empty-headed bullshit music out there, and it's doubly worse because she should be able to produce something of beauty with all her training. Instead, she's just as bad as the damned Pussycat Dolls for promoting a ridiculous and unrealistic image of womanhood. Finally, she doesn't even compare to Meg! I can't believe you even invoked the name of Mariah Carey here, in this place, in this time.

GA: This is a pretty messed up state of affairs when it's down to ME to be the good cop on Mariah Carey. I'm trying to be moderate and reasonable. I mean, I just want to send her to a re-education camp.

LM: Mariah Carey is a plasticized bimbette who's had so much surgery that she doesn't even look like the same person as when her first album came out. Look at her! Whereas Meg... lovely Meg, who is woman-shaped and beautiful. Delicate and feminine, but I bet she'd kick your ass if you pushed her too far. Or at least shove a drumstick up your nose. What will Mariah do? Break off a fingernail and run screaming to fling herself on the bed and cry? Meg doesn't look like street trash, either. She's got more class in her pinky toe than Mariah's exhibited in her entire "career."